Wednesday, April 9, 2008

Signs that I am slowly losing my mind

Exhibit A: I'm just walking along, minding my own business, when out of the blue a line of poetry that Clement Clark Moore should have included in A Visit From St. Nicholas recites itself in my head: “He had a broad face, and a little round belly / That shook when he laughed, just like Liza Minnelli.”

Exhibit B: I'm just sitting there, minding my own business, when out of the blue a man's voice starts singing in my head. Not just any man's voice. Dean Martin's voice: “When a big slimy eel sinks its teeth in your heel, that's a moray.”

Exhibit C, to show a pattern of behavior: I'm just sitting there, back in the days when organ transplants were still experimental, minding my own business, when out of the blue a man on television announces that a baboon’s heart has been transplanted into a little girl’s body. To protect her family's privacy, the media refers to her only as Baby Fae (the little girl I mean, not the baboon). Well, my mind being what it is, I immediately think of an old song called “Baby Face” and write the following little ditty in under thirty seconds. If you try to sing it, it helps if you try to picture a line of chorus girls singing it behind you and moving their hands back and forth like girls in show biz do:

Baby Fae

Baby Fae,
You’ve got that certain somethin’,
Baby Fae,
Keep that new heart a-pumpin’,
One day real soon
You’ll be a baboon,
Gee, the doctors love ya,
They made a monkey of ya,
Baby Fae,
If you like strained bananas
Sue the A.M.A.,
With missing links they toyed
And now you’re anthropoid,
Our little ape-girl, Baby Fae!

and now for the reprise and the big finish:

Baby Fae,
If you like strained bananas
Sue the A.M.A.,
With missing links they toyed
(dunt dunt dunt DUNT dunt dunt)
And now you’re anthropoid,
(dunt dunt dunt DUNT dunt dunt)
Our little ape-girl baby,
Ape-girl baby,
Little ape- (kick) girl (kick),
Bay- (kick) bee (kick) Faaaaaaaae!

and exit, stage left, to wild applause.

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The jury has returned from its deliberations. Thank you, ladies and gentlemen of the jury, for your service. You are dismissed. This court is now adjourned.

Okay, so either I have a gift for parody or I'm losing my mind. Okay, I'm slowly losing my mind. Okay, not so slowly. If only I had sent that song to Saturday Night Live.

2 comments:

"JEANNELLE" said...

I doubt you're losing your mind.....you have a gift and it just has to come forth!!

Did you see in the news about the man who had received a suicide victim's heart and several years later also committed suicide!?

LightExpectations said...

lol... funny post. Did you ever hear the Elvis Presley "Love Me Tender" version where he cracked himself up after singing "Do you gaze at your bald head and wish you had hair?" ?