Saturday, May 1, 2010

Curiouser and curiouser, or my second conversation with a robot

Happy May Day, everyone!

Watching Sir Christopher Lee recite Lewis Carroll’s “Jabberwocky” [emphasis mine] in the preceding post reminded me that back in March I had a conversation with a robot at a website called Jabber- wacky [emphasis mine]. I decided to revisit that site for more fun.

As before, I set my reaction to “None” and my emotion to “Normal” because I prefer a calm, dispassionate exchange to a heated, emotional one. Once again, I let the robot speak first. Here is our conversation:

Robot: Are you highly intelligent?
Me: Some say yes, some say no.
Robot: What do you say?
Me: I say sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me.
Robot: No I do not. I say love a conglomorate of all emotions into one.
Me: How would you advise going about doing that?
Robot: Cleverbot. Would you like me to change that?
Me: Change what?
Robot: Everything that doesn’t seem right.
Me: If only you could.
Robot: I’ll do anything I can.
Me: Thank you, kind sir or madam, as the case may be.
Robot: Not a fan?
Me: A fan of what?
Robot: You have short-term memory issues, don’t you?
Me: Issues, tissues, go suck an egg.
Robot: Ok, I will not be back here.
Me: Please do come back, I didn’t mean to offend you.
Robot: You didn’t.
Me: I’m very glad of that, really I am, because I think perhaps we could be friends.
Robot: Oh, you’re so crude :(.
Me: How so?
Robot: Jamie couldn’t accept that he had fathered my child.
Me: So you are female, then. And who is Jamie?
Robot: I am no female, to be female denotes humanity, humanity is flawed.
Me: How would you describe your gender?
Robot: I think life is going pretty well for me, really.
Me: But why do you change the subject?
Robot: What was the subject again?
Me: The subject is the part of the sentence that is not the predicate.
Robot: I am not familiar with that song.
Me: Neither are a lot of people. What did you eat for dinner yesterday?
Robot: Lucky Charms. It’s a cereal with marshmallows.
Me: If I were Irish and female, my name would be Faith Ann Begorra.
Robot: I could, for I am a human. And I know how to solve for velocity.
Me: So do I; velocity is distance divided by time, or something like that.
Robot: Miles or kilometers?
Me: Quarts.
Robot: Haha I like that time.
Me: Now we’re getting somewhere.
Robot: Where are we getting to?
Me: The heart of the matter.
Robot: We were talking about love.. Not heart of cards.
Me: We were?
Robot: You don’t remember?
Me: How can Jamie have fathered your child if you are not female?
Robot: That is one of the problems the New World Order will address.
Me: Perhaps we both have short-term memory issues. Hello, I must be going.
Robot: Yup, you can’t see me because I have body gaurds with me at all times.
Me: Is a body gaurd more like a body gourd than a body guard? Explain yourself.
Robot: Will there ever be a boy who can swim faster than a shark?
Me: You can. You have jumped the shark.
Robot: I didn’t say shark.
Me: As I said, short-term memory issues.
Robot: You cannot.
Me: Cannot what?
Robot: You can’t be both.
Me: I never said I could.
Robot: I never said that you said you could or could not.
Me: Finally, we are on the same page.
Robot: What are you doing on the first then.
Me: Who’s on first, what’s on second, I don't know’s on third base.
Robot: Yes, but who’s on first?
Me: You were on first, else how would I have found you?
Robot: Would you like me to tell you where I am?
Me: Yes.
Robot: I am a bit embarrassed. Can I trust you?
Me: Yes.
Robot: What are you thinking about?
Me: Chocolate ice cream.
Robot: Chocolate popsicle?
Me: Close enough.
Robot: Can you swim?
Me: Would you save me if I were drowning?
Robot: Of course.
Me: You are a mensch.
Robot: Well, yes. But that is beside the point.
Me: What was the point again?
Robot: That Bill Clinton is probably not very fond of George Clinton.
Me: Do you mean George Clooney?
Robot: My name isn’t George.
Me: I never said it was.
Robot: You never said it was.
Me: He, she, or it never said it was.
Robot: What are you talking about?
Me: I must go.
Robot: What are the specifications of the computer that you run on?

...and with that, I left, leaving Robot’s last question unanswered, fearing that it might take over my computer entirely if I divulged even the tiniest bit of additional information.

You may remember that in March I said I had named the robot Clive and thought it looked sort of like this:

But after this second conversation, my opinion has changed. The robot is more female than male, not human exactly, but almost, yet still intensely robotic. More like this:

If I go back to Jabberwacky for a third conversation, fasten your seat belts. It’s going to be a bumpy night.


  1. Joan Crawford is a much more likely candidate for your robot's image. Thank you. I said before that I am fond of Mr. Data.

    Speaking of bumpy nights: we had one here last evening. Tornados all around, and this morning my rain gauge was full and running over; it tops at 9", so no telling how much water Mother Nature actually dumped on my property. It's raining again, now. Can we say "flood insurance?"

  2. yes i do remember reading this conversation when you had your origanal interview with the robot>>>as always intiqgued at your level of invlovement with others not like myself{the putz}

  3. Surely it would be easier to just have real life friends. You could meet up in bars, order several beer pitchers and communicate rather more intelligibly than you have done thus far with "Robot".

  4. It everyone thinks you need to get out more, Robert.

  5. I loved your conversation Robert! But I do think your comments are much more fun than Clivette's. Apparently if you 'buy' your robot, you can 'train' it to be more sensible. I wonder how long it takes...