Saturday, June 19, 2010

In which the blogger ponders unanswerable questions

Last night before I went to bed I watched The Singing Bee on CMT (Country Music Television), not because I like country music especially but because the only other choices were Leno, Letterman, and reruns of Roseanne on TVLAND.

I have never heard most of the songs on The Singing Bee and it amazes me that so many other people know them all. Wait, I lied. One time several months back I actually knew all the words to “I Walk The Line” as written and recorded by Johnny Cash in 1956.

My friend Tom used to sing it this way: “I keep my pants up with a piece of twine / I keep my eyes wide open all the time / I keep the ends out for the tie that binds / Because you’re mine, please pull the twine.”

But that’s a post for another day.

The only reason I’m telling you about watching The Singing Bee on CMT (Country Music Television) before I went to bed last night is that upon opening my eyes this morning the first words I heard on my own personal Cranium Radio were:

You bring the bourbon, I’ll bring the blonde.

I never heard those lyrics before anywhere and the thought occurred to me that if they are not already part of a country song they should be. Furthermore, I don’t drink bourbon and I’ve never dated a blonde. I’ve never cheated on my wife and I don’t intend to never will. So please explain to me, in 25 words or less, (a) why do we think such out-of-context thoughts? and (b) where do our creative thoughts come from anyway?

Typical answers such as God, the Devil, out of the blue, and too many dill pickles are ineligible for the grand prize, a lifetime supply of these:


  1. You bring the bourbon, I’ll bring the blonde.
    When she's loaded we'll push her in the pond
    We'll drive into Canton with her body in the trunk
    Me disguised as Elvis and you as a Trappist monk
    When the smokies chase us I'll put my foot down on the gas
    And at the Etowah River we'll watch those goons drive past
    Oh yeah! Listen to the noise!
    Me and Robert B just two crazy country boys!

  2. Oh, that is just hilarious. I'm picturing you and Yorkshire Pudding on the road. Big hats and guitars.
    Can I be your groupie?

    Now I've forgotten what you've asked us. Sorry. Still laughing about YP's wonderful songtext.

    WV = sterriff (sounds like...)

  3. YP, hilarious!

    Carolina, sheriff? seraph? serif?

  4. Sheriff I thought. Fits in with the themesong ;-)

  5. YP has many talents! Nashville is waiting for you, YP.

    If it's all the same to you, RWP, I'll not enter the contest for fear of winning the grand prize. My heart couldn't stand the pain.

  6. You know how the washing machine swallows socks? Well, it's a little known fact that they are pulled into a household black hole, which stirs them and chops them in a cosmic blender and then spits them out as random night thoughts. Since you were thinking of bourbon and a blonde, I'm guessing you must have recently lost a black sock. Alliteration, don't you know.

    Love YP's song.

  7. Pat, I understand completely.

    Ruth, I learned something today. Too funny!

  8. I'm all over the place falling about laughing at "I keep my pants up with a piece of twine / I keep my eyes wide open all the time / I keep the ends out for the tie that binds / Because you’re mine, please pull the twine.” ......These lyrics will now permanently replace the original when I sing that song.

    ps-I asked to Small Gods to ahave a word with Johnny and aparently he grunted his permission.

  9. I loved your friend Tom's lyrics. Very funny!