Friday, February 11, 2011

Billy Ray listens to the radio.

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...can expect warmer temperatures today with scattered showers possible during the afternoon rush hour...


...Shimmy Shimmy Ko Ko Pop, Shimmy Shimmy, Pop...


...for National Public Radio, this is Daniel Schorr...


...precios bajos todos las dias, garantizados...


...an erection lasting longer than four hours...


...Howdy, frinds, and a warm welcome once again to The Daily Radio Chapel Of The Air, this is your radio pastor Brother Wesley Chappell with two P’s and two L’s, three if you count the one in Wesley, saying we love you with the love of the Lord, welcome, welcome in the middle of your busy day to this little oasis where all is peace and perfect love, Sister Opal is here and also little Wanda June at the keyboard of the Hammond organ, I wish you could see her, her little feet barely reach all the way down to the pedals. Wanda June will be our regular organist from now on because I have some sad news to relate to you, Estelle DeGarmo who has been playing our organ for the past nine years is not with us any longer, she didn’t die or anything, no, she just up and ran off with the owner of Angelo’s Body Works over on Buford Highway, Sister Opal said Estelle apparently found out that it was true, and I said found out that what was true? and she said that Angelo’s body works, anyways please keep them in your prayers and also Sister Opal while you’re at it. Frinds, I know you’re going to enjoy the program today because we have some special guests here in the chapel, the Gem Tones Quartet of Redondo Beach, California, will be joining us today and they will bless your heart with their anointed singing, actually they’re family, the quartet is made up of Sister Opal and three of her sisters, Jewel, Pearl, and Ruby, and of course little Wanda June will be accompanying them on the Hammond organ, they’ll be singing their latest gospel hit, “Jesus Been A Long Time Gone” from their new CD, I Just Want To Make Heaven My Home, they’ll be along a little later, but right now let’s open up the mailbag and read some letters from some of you wonderful listeners out there in radio land, here’s one from a Mr. Horace Earl Triplett of Smyrna, Georgia, who has included a generous contribution, a very generous contribution indeed, my my, may the Lord richly bless you Brother Triplett, “Brother Wesley,” he writes, “I never miss the Daily Radio Chapel Of The Air, I listen to it every time it comes on, we get it four times a day on four different stations here in the Atlanta area, and I’m enclosing a small monetary gift in appreciation of the wonderful pamphlet you sent me on the Book of Job entitled “Naked Came I From My Mother’s Womb And Naked Shall I Return Thither,” please send me fifty more copies as I want to share its enlightening message with the people of Smyrna, and also please say a prayer for my two sisters Myrna and Verna, I don’t know why but they don’t seem to be coping with life too well these days.” We’ll do that right now, frinds, stretch your hands toward the radio and pray with me that Myrna and Verna Triplett over there in Smyrna Georgia will perk up and join their brother Horace Earl in the wonderful service he is providing to their community. I wish every town in America had a Horace Earl Triplett. Here’s another letter, thank you Sister Opal, from a Mrs. Cecil Field of Jacksonville, Florida, “Dear Brother Wesley,” she says, “please remember all the boys and girls here at the Naval Air Station, pray they don’t stray too far from their moorings, pray that they will cast their anchor onto the solid rock, pray that they will all see the light from the lighthouse, pray that they will all make it safely into the old Ship of Zion before they leave the harbor for the last time. Keep on throwing out the lifeline, Brother Wesley, someone is drifting away. Here’s a little something to help you in your ministry, Brother Wesley, because we’re all counting on you to turn the tide, let the lower lights be burning, send a gleam across the wave; some poor fainting struggling seaman you may rescue, you may save.” Isn’t that poetic? Isn’t that inspiring? It also reminds me, Sister Opal, be sure we have a good supply of seasickness pills for our third annual Hallelujah Cruise coming up next month, we hope many of you frinds out there in radio land will be able to join us on this once in a lifetime opportunity, we will be cruising the Gulf of Mexico for Jesus, departing from Galveston Texas the fifteenth of next month and sailing to Bradenton Florida, seven nights on the open water and once again we will be playing Heavenly Bingo each night while we are at sea with all the proceeds going to support our orphanages in the Dominican Republic and Haiti, we hope we will see you in Galveston, send us your non-refundable five hundred dollar down payment today, make out your check to Brother Wesley Chappell, that’s with two P’s and two L’s, three if you count the one in Wesley, and send it to The Daily Radio Chapel Of The Air, Radio Station XERF, Del Rio, Texas, and the remaining three thousand dollars will be payable when you board, cash, money order, or certified check only please. Sister Opal and I are looking forward to seeing each one of you. And thank you, Mrs. Cecil Field down there in Jacksonville, Florida, and also Mr. Horace Earl Triplett of Smyrna Georgia for your very kind words, what an inspiration and encouragement to receive your cards and letters, and especially when you can include a little something for the ministry so that we can continue to do what we believe the Lord has called us to do. I have another letter here from Mr. Tom Bigbee of Tuscaloosa Alabama that I wanted to read but Sister Opal is indicating that the time is getting away from us so we’ll save that for tomorrow’s broadcast. In just a moment I’ll be bringing you the next message in our current “How Beautiful Are The Feet Of Them” series, today’s message is entitled “Set Your Affection On Things Above,” but first, here as promised are The Gem Tones, a quartet made up of Sister Opal and three of her sisters, Jewel, Pearl, and Ruby, to sing their latest gospel hit, “Jesus Been A Long Time Gone” from their new CD, I Just Want To Make Heaven My Home, accompanied by little Wanda June at the Hammond organ keyboard...


...friends of Beyoncé and Paris Hilton today denied...


...Nocturne in D for Strings by Alexander Borodin...


...islands in the stream, that is what we are...


...an erection lasting longer than four hours...


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[The foregoing is Chapter 29 of my unpublished book, Billy Ray Barnwell Here: The Meanderings of a Twisted Mind. The entire book can be accessed online by clicking on the link under “My Other Blog is a Rolls-Royce” in the sidebar of this blog. --RWP]

4 comments:

nasrudin said...

I was healed! Merely by passing by! Didn't even have to lay hands on the radio itself! (Though, to be fair, earlier on, I'd also been listening to The Root Doctor Woman out of New Orleans, so there could have been some kind of combined effect... but hey, either way...I was healed!

Putz said...

have you ever thought what an erection for 4 hours would feel like???

Pat - Arkansas said...

I do love it when you turn Billy Ray loose.

Although I don't listen to the radio very often, there are nights that the mega-watt station at Del Rio comes in loud and clear, all the way here... and far beyond, I'd guess. They can probably hear it at the North Pole.

rhymeswithplague said...

nasrudin, welcome to the blog (I think.

Putz, never.

Pat, XERF's transmitter was across the Rio Grande in Mexico, I think. I had no idea they were still broadcasting. They were notorious in the old days.