Friday, May 11, 2012

Opening of British Parliament, 2012

Good afternoon.

My gubmint will institute the following series of reforms:

My gubmint will fund a study into the possibility of everyone here in the United Kingdom driving their motorcars on the right like people in the United States of America do, reversing our country’s centuries-long drift to the left. The study should cost no more than six million pounds.

My gubmint will appoint the Earl and Countess of Wessex as my co-ambassadors to France, giving them at least the appearance of doing something important whilst actually accomplishing nothing.

My gubmint will recognise the new country of Blogland in the Indian Ocean and invite them to become the seventeenth member of the Commonwealth, joining the illustrious countries of the United Kingdom, Canada, Australia, New Zealand, Jamaica, Barbados, the Bahamas, Grenada, Papua New Guinea, the Solomon Islands, Tuvalu, Saint Lucia, Saint Vincent and the Grenadines, Belize, Antigua and Barbuda, and Saint Kitts and Nevis. My gubmint will also take today’s historic occasion as an opportunity to invite India, Burma, and half the continent of Africa back into the fold.

My gubmint will introduce a bill to build a land bridge made of recycled aluminium cans and compressed, deodorised garbage between New Zealand and Australia, allowing the kiwi birds and kangaroos one loves so much to intermingle freely, and perhaps one day even to marry.

My gubmint will introduce a bill to change the laws of Royal succession in such a way as to allow one’s Welsh Corgis to become monarch ahead of one’s children and grandchildren if one’s children and grandchildren don’t call on a regular basis, preferably weekly.

The Parliament is now open for deliberation on these and other issues that my Prime Minister may deem worthy of attention.

Come, Philip.


  1. Actually there are currently fifty four nations in the British Commonwealth - Blogland will make it fifty five IF the people of Blogland (Me & Katherine)vote in favour of the proposal. What is a "Gub Mint"? Gub is a flavour with which I am unfamilar.

  2. i saw her and her mother live in bury st edmunds 45 years ago

  3. or maybe it was 50 years ago

  4. it is hard for a seventy year old to thunk

  5. Our 'roos would love all that lovely green grass in NZ..... just like our possums love the trees !!!

  6. You do realise that it's driving on the right that causes all those tornadoes that you have in the US? The passing lines of cars create anti-clockwise currents of air that eventually form twisters.

    You only have to look at the UK for your evidence. Driving on the left, we hardly ever see a tornado. And of course, hurricanes hardly happen.

    But I suppose that without tornadoes, Dorothy would never have left Kansas.

  7. Y.P., don't the servants get a vote too?

    Putz, thunking is for thissies.

    Helsie, we once had baby possums in our attic, but that is a story for another day.

    S. Parrots, Re the tornadoes, only in Hartford, Heresford, and Hampshire.

  8. HRH is holding up quite well, methinks. Thanks for the photo. As to her gubmint's intentions... haha!