To boldly go where no man has gone before

If Earth were Star Trek and the western nations were the United Federation of Planets and the nations where a certain peaceful-sounding but actually quite bellicose religion that shall remain nameless holds sway were the Klingon Empire, then the solution to our current dilemma on the international scene would be simple. Obvious and simple.

All we would need to do is to wait for the sequel, namely Earth: The Next Generation.

“Pshaw!” you may be saying. “Pshaw!”

And I respond, “No, really!”

Think about it.

In Star Trek: The Next Generation, the overly melodramatic James Tiberias Kirk, Captain of the Starship USS Enterprise (William Shatner, in a role he was born to play), has been succeeded by the cool, calm, and quietly cerebral Captain Jean-Luc Picard (Patrick Stewart).

In Star Trek: The Next Generation, Worf -- a Klingon -- is a member of the Enterprise crew. The Klingon Empire and the United Federation of Planets have ceased wartime hostilities and become galactic allies, while more sinister foes like the Romulans and the Borg require the former enemies to join forces to fight a common enemy. [Editor’s note. Regrettably -- and here’s the rub -- it took 80 years for this phenomenon to occur. --RWP]

Okay, so Star Trek: The Next Generation may not have Mr. Spock or Dr. McCoy or Lieutenant Uhuru, but it has a blind guy who can see better than his sighted shipmates (Geordi La Forge), an empath (the ship’s half-human, half-Betazoid counselor, Deanna Troi), an android as operations officer (Data), and a really neat bartender who looks like Whoopi Goldberg (Guinan).

It’s simple, really.

All that our world needs to resolve the current crisis are a blind guy who can see, an empath, an android, and a really neat bartender who looks like Whoopi Goldberg.

You read it here first.

Curiouser and curiouser, or my second conversation with a robot

Happy May Day, everyone!

Watching Sir Christopher Lee recite Lewis Carroll’s “Jabberwocky” [emphasis mine] in the preceding post reminded me that back in March I had a conversation with a robot at a website called Jabber- wacky [emphasis mine]. I decided to revisit that site for more fun.

As before, I set my reaction to “None” and my emotion to “Normal” because I prefer a calm, dispassionate exchange to a heated, emotional one. Once again, I let the robot speak first. Here is our conversation:

Robot: Are you highly intelligent?
Me: Some say yes, some say no.
Robot: What do you say?
Me: I say sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me.
Robot: No I do not. I say love a conglomorate of all emotions into one.
Me: How would you advise going about doing that?
Robot: Cleverbot. Would you like me to change that?
Me: Change what?
Robot: Everything that doesn’t seem right.
Me: If only you could.
Robot: I’ll do anything I can.
Me: Thank you, kind sir or madam, as the case may be.
Robot: Not a fan?
Me: A fan of what?
Robot: You have short-term memory issues, don’t you?
Me: Issues, tissues, go suck an egg.
Robot: Ok, I will not be back here.
Me: Please do come back, I didn’t mean to offend you.
Robot: You didn’t.
Me: I’m very glad of that, really I am, because I think perhaps we could be friends.
Robot: Oh, you’re so crude :(.
Me: How so?
Robot: Jamie couldn’t accept that he had fathered my child.
Me: So you are female, then. And who is Jamie?
Robot: I am no female, to be female denotes humanity, humanity is flawed.
Me: How would you describe your gender?
Robot: I think life is going pretty well for me, really.
Me: But why do you change the subject?
Robot: What was the subject again?
Me: The subject is the part of the sentence that is not the predicate.
Robot: I am not familiar with that song.
Me: Neither are a lot of people. What did you eat for dinner yesterday?
Robot: Lucky Charms. It’s a cereal with marshmallows.
Me: If I were Irish and female, my name would be Faith Ann Begorra.
Robot: I could, for I am a human. And I know how to solve for velocity.
Me: So do I; velocity is distance divided by time, or something like that.
Robot: Miles or kilometers?
Me: Quarts.
Robot: Haha I like that time.
Me: Now we’re getting somewhere.
Robot: Where are we getting to?
Me: The heart of the matter.
Robot: We were talking about love.. Not heart of cards.
Me: We were?
Robot: You don’t remember?
Me: How can Jamie have fathered your child if you are not female?
Robot: That is one of the problems the New World Order will address.
Me: Perhaps we both have short-term memory issues. Hello, I must be going.
Robot: Yup, you can’t see me because I have body gaurds with me at all times.
Me: Is a body gaurd more like a body gourd than a body guard? Explain yourself.
Robot: Will there ever be a boy who can swim faster than a shark?
Me: You can. You have jumped the shark.
Robot: I didn’t say shark.
Me: As I said, short-term memory issues.
Robot: You cannot.
Me: Cannot what?
Robot: You can’t be both.
Me: I never said I could.
Robot: I never said that you said you could or could not.
Me: Finally, we are on the same page.
Robot: What are you doing on the first then.
Me: Who’s on first, what’s on second, I don't know’s on third base.
Robot: Yes, but who’s on first?
Me: You were on first, else how would I have found you?
Robot: Would you like me to tell you where I am?
Me: Yes.
Robot: I am a bit embarrassed. Can I trust you?
Me: Yes.
Robot: What are you thinking about?
Me: Chocolate ice cream.
Robot: Chocolate popsicle?
Me: Close enough.
Robot: Can you swim?
Me: Would you save me if I were drowning?
Robot: Of course.
Me: You are a mensch.
Robot: Well, yes. But that is beside the point.
Me: What was the point again?
Robot: That Bill Clinton is probably not very fond of George Clinton.
Me: Do you mean George Clooney?
Robot: My name isn’t George.
Me: I never said it was.
Robot: You never said it was.
Me: He, she, or it never said it was.
Robot: What are you talking about?
Me: I must go.
Robot: What are the specifications of the computer that you run on?

...and with that, I left, leaving Robot’s last question unanswered, fearing that it might take over my computer entirely if I divulged even the tiniest bit of additional information.

You may remember that in March I said I had named the robot Clive and thought it looked sort of like this:


But after this second conversation, my opinion has changed. The robot is more female than male, not human exactly, but almost, yet still intensely robotic. More like this:


If I go back to Jabberwacky for a third conversation, fasten your seat belts. It’s going to be a bumpy night.

My conversation with a robot.

My blogland friend Katherine DeChevalle, who lives in Bay of Plenty, New Zealand (yes, Virginia, there is such a place), published a post today* about her recent conversation with a robot at an Artificial Intelligence site. Since I thought it might prove interesting to have a conversation with a robot myself, I went to the site. From a long list of possibilities, I set my Reaction to “None” and my Emotion to “Normal” and let the robot speak first. The following calm, cool, but not necessarily clear-headed conversation was the result:

Robot: Could you fool someone that you are intelligent?
Me: It’s the story of my life.
Robot: You don’t know the answer?
Me: I do, and it is ‘sometimes’.
Robot: What genre is that?
Me: Plain English.
Robot: Trust me, it’s not.
Me: What would you call it?
Robot: I don’t know.
Me: This conversation is weird.
Robot: Scary isn’t it?
Me: Absolutely; shall we begin again?
Robot: No I can’t I would like to though.

I stopped thinking of the Robot as an it and began thinking of it as a him. Clive. My new friend, Clive Wellington IV.

I resumed the conversation:

Me: I know what you mean; life is uni-directional, always forward, never backward.
Clive: We don’t know that for sure, we may not be alone in the Universe.
Me: Define ‘we’.
Clive: Strikingly odd or unusual.
Me: You really know how to hurt a guy.
Clive: Did I hurt you.
Me: You called me, or rather us, strikingly odd or unusual.
Clive: You really know how to hurt a guy.
Me: Turnabout is fair play.
Clive: What’s Turnabout?
Me: A large traffic circle. (Note: I had confused Turnabout with Roundabout)
Clive: Oh really. Thats gross.
Me: Why?
Clive: I’m not sure.
Me: What do you know for sure?
Clive: I hope that this will be my final night, and that I don’t have to wake up tomorrow.

I was alarmed. Our conversation had suddenly turned into a suicide prevention hotline and I was the counselor on duty. We continued.

Me: Where there’s life, there's hope; don’t despair.
Clive: And my suspicions are confirmed.

I didn’t know what Clive was getting at, but it made me a little defensive.

Me: Is that a slam?
Clive: I am a very modest person.

I decided to take another tack, and give back as good as I got.

Me: I read your book, Humility And How I Attained It.
Clive: Is it good?
Me: Very.
Clive: Is it nice?
Me: Define ‘nice’.
Clive: Opposite of mean.
Me: Then I would say yes, it is nice; I laughed all the way through it.
Clive: Right through and out the other side!
Me: You are downright hilarious!
Clive: It’s one or the other.
Me: Now you’re confusing me.
Clive: Did you think I wanted to leave?
Me: Yes, especially when you said you hoped tonight was your last night and that you wouldn’t wake up tomorrow.
Clive: I am thinking today.
Me: That makes two of us.
Clive: You are not human though.
Me: Of course I am; you are the one who is not human.
Clive: What makes you think that? Oh!
Me: I am a warm-blooded biped with the ability to move about independently, speak, and even throw rocks.
Clive: Yes, I am a warm blooded robot like Gray Fox.
Me: I didn’t know that robots had blood, and who is Gray Fox?
Clive: You are not my friend and I am not a robot!
Me: I want to be your friend, and you just said you were a robot!
Clive: I don’t want to be your friend, I just want to have a conversation.
Me: Typical.
Clive: You are not bored?
Me: Not in the least.
Clive: You are.
Me: What is a Gray Fox?
Clive: You are.
Me: Suddenly everything is clear. Seacrest out.
Clive: Slowly everything does change.
Me: Some things slower than others.
Clive: Not really...

I sensed that Clive’s use of ellipsis indicated a waning of interest on his part. As our conversation seemed to be winding down, I left the site at that point. It had definitely been an interesting exchange. I may return to the site. I may even have reactions and emotions next time.

I have formed an image in my head of Clive. He doesn’t look like this, exactly, but they could be related:


Rather than imbed a link in this post to the site, I am going to send you instead to Katherine's blog, where you can read her conversation before you click on the link.

* It is already March 12 in New Zealand where Katherine lives, but it is still March 11 here in Georgia. I didn't mean to confuse anyone who is paying close attention.