My computer printer is almost human

It doesn’t have arms and legs with which to walk around the room, and I would never ask it out on a date, but it does have one very human characteristic.

It talks to me.

Just this morning, as I was printing down the latest monthly statement of my checking account from my bank, the printer began saying, “That fool, that fool, that fool.” It was clear as a bell. I can only hope it was talking to me and not about me.

But then all of a sudden it seemed to be saying, “Pat Boone, Pat Boone, Pat Boone.”

I never know what the darned thing is going to say next. Last week it was chanting “Chickamauga, Chickamauga, Chickamauga” at me and sent my mind off in the direction of the American Civil War (1861 - 1865) .

Another time I distinctly heard it say, “Tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow” and instantly I was transported to the death of Lady Macbeth and saw Birnam Wood moving towards Dunsinane Castle.

I kid you not.

I’m sure if you listen closely, you will discover that your printer is talking to you as well.

Let me know in the comments section what you have heard your computer’s printer say lately. I’d love to know.

The only question that remains is why my computer printer would be saying “Pat Boone, Pat Boone, Pat Boone.”

I don’t remember if I have told you this before, but our paths (Pat Boone’s and mine) crossed in the mid-1950s. Our school’s Future Teachers of America club had gone to a two-day district conference on the campus of North Texas State College (now The University of North Texas) in the town of Denton. There was a dance the first evening, and live music was provided by the college music department’s jazz band. The featured singer with the band that evening was none other than Pat Boone, who was a student there.

We actually breathed the same air. Yes, we did. So did Dick Clark and I in 1958 at American Bandstand in Philadelphia. I’m pretty sure I already told you about that.

This post and a small fortune could get me a room in a good psychiatric facility.

Not that I need one.

I am not crazy as a loon. Crazy, maybe, but not crazy as a loon.

Not yet.

P.S. - I looked through my archives and discovered that I have, in fact, already told you about crossing paths with Pat Boone back in the mid-1950s in this blogpost from November 30, 2012, which you should read, because it may convince you that I actually am even crazier than a loon.

Not that you need any convincing.

Let me make one thing perfectly clear...

I am not a crook.

No, wait, that wasn’t it.

Oh, yes, now I remember.

Anastasia was not, as I mistakenly said in a comment on the last post, a Princess. She was a Grand Duchess.

Try not to forget that. We will be testing later.

After I mentioned Anastasia, commenter A Lady’s Life of British Columbia, Canada, mentioned singer Pat Boone’s rendition of the song “Anastasia.” Thank you, A Lady’s Life, and as Little Red Riding Hood may or may not have said, “What a strange name you have, Grandma.”

Bringing up Pat Boone has opened a tremendous treasure-trove of trivia (note the alliteration) that we have not hitherto mined.

Did you know that Pat Boone is the great-great-great-great-grandson of the early American explorer Daniel Boone?

Did you know that Pat Boone is a cousin of actor Richard Boone who starred in the television series Have Gun, Will Travel?

Did you know that Pat Boone’s wife Shirley is the daughter of country-singer Red Foley, whose 1951 recording of “Peace in the Valley” was the first million-seller gospel recording in history?

Did you know that Pat Boone’s daughter Debby (the one who kept singing “You Light Up My Life” over and over again until we all wanted to fwow up) is married to Gabriel Ferrer, the son of actor José Ferrer and singer Rosemary Clooney?

Did you know that, according to Billboard magazine, Pat Boone was the second biggest charting artist of the late 1950s, behind only Elvis Presley but ahead of Ricky Nelson and The Platters, and was ranked at No. 9 — behind The Rolling Stones and Paul McCartney but ahead of artists such as Aretha Franklin and The Beach Boys — in its listing of the Top 100 Top 40 Artists of 1955–1995?

Live and learn. For example, I never knew there was a group called Ricky Nelson and The Platters.

Here is that test I warned you about:

Anastasia was:
1. A song sung by Ricky Nelson and the Platters
2. A princess
3. A showgirl
4. A Grand Duchy, like Luxembourg
5. Ingrid Bergman
6. All of the above

You get extra points if you can identify the building behind Richard Nixon in the photograph at the top of the post.

Yes, Virginia, there is a Grand Duchy of Luxembourg.

Here is a goofy picture of Pat Boone:

(Photo by Gage Skidmore, 2011)

...but it is not nearly as goofy a picture as this one, which is of two people who are definitely not Pat Boone:

Since the drinks have been poured, a toast is in order.

Accordingly, I propose the following toast:

Here’s to the dwindling days of our lives
And the hope that you’ll always remember
The day I composed this ridiculous remarkable post:
The thirtieth day of November.

Let me also make one other thing perfectly clear.

I have not been hitting the sauce. This is the way I normally am
am normally am have been for as far back as I can remember.




SIX DEGREES OF SEPARATION DEPARTMENT, MINUS FIVE, TIMES TWO: One of the things I can still remember from the dear, dead days almost beyond recall is having attended, as a high-school student, a State Convention of the Future Teachers of America at North Texas State College (now the University of North Texas) in Denton and dancing the night away to the live music of the NTSC Jazz Band and their squeaky-clean boy singer, one Pat Boone. This memory pre-dates by about three years my 1958 appearances on American Bandstand with Dick Clark in Philadelphia.

Another blast from the past

This one’s for Jinksy, but the rest of you can look and listen too.

Jinksy lives in the United Kingdom and started reading my blog fairly recently. In a comment on my March 10th post about Yul Brynner/Rosemary Clooney, she mentioned that she didn’t know what Pat Boone looked like, but thought his voice was sweet.

We must remedy that immediately.

Here is a picture of Pat Boone during his heartthrob days (circa 1957).


According to writer/blogger Dan Wooding, founder of ASSIST News Service (ANS) in Lake Forest, California, “In the years immediately prior to the British Invasion, only one performer rivaled the chart dominance of Elvis Presley, and that was Pat Boone. With his trademark white buckskin shoes, perfectly combed hair and gleaming smile, Boone was the very essence of American values at a time when rock & roll was viewed as a sign of the apocalypse. He wasn’t put off by the dire warnings of preachers and he embraced rock & roll and added his own twist.”

I would add only that the phrase “British Invasion” does not refer to Lord Cornwallis and his redcoats in the 1770s but to John, George, Paul, and Ringo and others of their ilk in the 1960s.

Pat’s first record, “Two Hearts, Two Kisses (Make One Love)” started his career in 1955. That was followed by “Ain’t That A Shame” (originally recorded by Fats Domino), “Tutti Frutti” and “Long Tall Sally” (both originally recorded by Little Richard).

Here is Pat singing another of his hits, “Love Letters In The Sand.”

Again from Dan Wooding’s article: With over 45 million units sold and 38 “top-40” hits, Pat Boone is recognized by Billboard Magazine as the #10 rock recording artist in history, placing higher on that impressive chart than either Madonna or Billy Joel. Entertainment Weekly proclaimed him “Winner of the Week” in 2003 as Pat Boone incredibly landed his 61st hit “Under God” as a top-15 single on Billboard’s Hot 100 Chart from his “American Glory” album. In 2003, the Gospel Music Association took note of these achievements when they inducted Pat into the GMA Hall of Fame.

Wooding caught up with Pat Boone on the Red Carpet on Wednesday, February 11, 2009, at the 17th Annual Movieguide® Faith and Values Awards Gala and Report to the Entertainment Industry at the Beverly Hilton Hotel in Beverly Hills, California. Here’s how Pat looked that night about a month ago (photo by Alyssa N. Martin):


Let the word go forth from this place, I shall henceforth make every effort to refrain from commenting on the sexiness, imagined or otherwise, of aging members of the entertainment industry at home and abroad (Pat Boone will be 75 years old on June 1st.) After all, as they say, that’s why ice cream comes in many flavors. One man’s meat is another man’s poison. De gustibus non est disputandum. (Enough already with the aphorisms.)

But on behalf of a couple of longtime readers of my blog, I would like to make one final observation about Pat Boone:

He’s no Yul Brynner.

Another time, another Clooney

Pat, an Arkansas Stamper, who by her own admission lives in a cave on the back side of beyond, revealed in a comment on yesterday’s post that (a) she had never before seen George Clooney, (b) she would not try to set any speed records to do so again, and (c) her idea of a sexy-looking man was Yul Brynner.


There must be something in the water out in Arkansas. The expression on his face and in his eyes make him look like a man who has just been told he must move the privy before he will get any supper.

To be fair, though, here he is all cleaned up and looking spiffy. Unless I am mistaken, this photo is from the movie Anastasia in which he co-starred with actresses Ingrid Bergman and Helen Hayes.


I didn’t set out to blog about Yul Brynner, but Pat’s comment helped me to realize that certain niche groups exist in my audience. So today I have decided to accommodate them by presenting to you a star of another era, George Clooney’s aunt, Rosemary.

If you never heard of her, never heard her sing, and have no idea what she looked like, you can start by clicking here for a photo gallery.

Then listen to “If You Loved Me Half As Much As I Love You” and “Botch-a-Me” with an introduction by Dean Martin.

Next, check out Rosemary’s rendition of “I Guess I’ll Have To Change My Plan.”

Listening to this duet with Judy Canova three times in a row is guaranteed to put a bounce in your step and make your day happier.

If you just cannot get enough of Rosemary Clooney, listen to “Alone At Last.”

Lastly, here is an audio version of what was probably her biggest hit, “Hey There.” I did find a youtube version of it from the eighties, but it is far too uptempo and jazzy and I refuse to link to it.

In my research, I discovered that George Clooney is not only the nephew of Rosemary Clooney, he is also the son of Nick Clooney (Rosemary’s brother, who hosts movies on the AMC channel), the nephew of Jose Ferrer (Rosemary’s husband, twice), the cousin of actors Miguel, Gabriel, and Rafael Ferrer (Rosemary’s and Jose’s sons who were named after angels), and Debbie Boone, who sang “You Light Up My Life” (wife of Gabriel and daughter of Pat Boone and Shirley Foley Boone, who just happens to be the daughter of country singer Red Foley, who had a big hit way back when with “Peace in the Valley”).



That is not Rosemary Clooney. That is Rosemary’s sister, Betty. Together, they recorded a duet called “Sisters” in nineteen something-or-other. Just another fascinating fact from my bottomless bag of trivia.

Okay, I'll throw in one more fact for good measure. The wife of actor Ricardo Montalban was also the sister of Academy-Award-winning actress Loretta Young.

I never said it would be about Rosemary Clooney.

Honestly, the lengths I go to just to make the niche groups in my audience happy.