No, never would I leave you at all

Many years ago I read the book Man and the Computer by John Kemeny, a professor of mathematics who later became president of Dartmouth University. Near the beginning of the book he wrote, “The computer is incredibly fast, accurate, and stupid. Man is unbelievably slow, inaccurate, and brilliant. The marriage of the two is a force beyond calculation.”

It is a statement that sticks in the mind.

Fast forward (now there’s an obsolete phrase) to today.

You can learn the most amazing things on the internet. You can also learn (contrary to popular opinion among the intelligentsia) the most amazing things on television. If you combine watching television with searching the internet (a sort of marriage as well) , the result can also be a force beyond calculation.

Case in point.

Mrs. RWP and I were watching the highly educational television program Judge Judy this afternoon, and I remarked that the defendant in one case looked a lot like Robert Goulet.

“Whatever happened to him?” asked Mrs. RWP.

“I don’t know,” I replied. “I can’t remember whether he is still alive.”

Because I don’t like to leave loose ends hanging, I decided to do the only sensible thing and find out. I went to the computer and googled “Robert Goulet” and discovered that Robert Goulet is not still alive. He died in 2007 about a month before what would have been his 74th birthday.

What absolutely floored me in the article I was reading was that early in his career Robert Goulet had been a member of the cast of the Canadian version of Howdy Doody and not only that, he starred opposite -- wait for it -- William Shatner.

Would I lie to you?

Yes, Virginia, there was a Canadian version of Howdy Doody. It ran on CBC from 1954 until 1959. Instead of a host named Buffalo Bob, however, it had a host named Timber Tom (sounds more Canadian, eh?) . Robert Goulet played the part of Trapper Pierre; William Shatner played the part of Ranger Bob.

As Jack Paar might say, I kid you not.

Talk about being gobsmacked.

One other thing. In one of Robert Goulet’s biggest hits, “If Ever I Would Leave You” from Camelot, he promised he wouldn’t leave us* in springtime, summer, winter, or fall (2:11) .

He lied. He left us in the fall. October 30, 1977, to be exact.

I know, I know. I’m easily entertained.

Man and the computer.

John Kemeny would be so proud.


*okay, it was Julie Andrews

Incredible entrepreneurial opportunity for the right person! Act now while there’s still time!

Yesterday I received an email in Russian. Whenever that happens, I always copy it into Google Translate, which provides me with two things: a transliteration of the Cyrillic characters and an English translation. When I found out what I had been sent, I couldn’t wait to show it to you.

1. Russian email:

Subject: Подвал на Майдане Незалежности от владельца!

Подвал на Майдане Незалежности от владельца!

ул. Софиевская 16/16

86 м.кв.

2 мин. пешком до м .Майдан Незалежности

Универсальность использования помещения - помещение идеально подходит под магазин одежды, салон красоты,страховую компанию, коллекторскую компанию, службы доставки, салон массажа или же просто выгодно сдавать в аренду под офис.

Пожарная + охранная сигнализация,проточная вентиляция, кондиционеры, интернет, телефоны, видеонаблюдение

Цена 110 000 $

возможна продажа в кредит

(end of Russian email)


2, Transliteration of the Cyrillic characters:

Subject: Podval na Maydane Nezalezhnosti ot vladel'tsa!

Podval na Maydane Nezalezhnosti ot vladel'tsa!

ul. Sofiyevskaya 16/16

86 m.kv.

2 min. peshkom do m .Maydan Nezalezhnosti

ispol'zovaniya pomeshcheniya- pomeshcheniye ideal'no podkhodit pod magazin odezhdy, salon krasoty, strakhovuyu kompaniyu, kollektorskuyu kompaniyu, sluzhby dostavki, salon massazha ili zhe prosto vygodno sdavat' v arendu pod ofis. Pozharnaya

+ okhrannaya signalizatsiya, protochnaya ventilyatsiya, konditsionery, internet, telefony, videonablyudeniye

Tsena 110 000 $

vozmozhna prodazha v kredit

(end of transliteration of the Cyrillic characters)


3. English translation:

Subject: Basement at the Independence Square from the owner!

Basement at the Independence Square from the owner!

Str. Sophia 16/16

86 sq.m.

2 min. walk to the m. Maydan Nezalezhnosti

Universal use space - space is ideal for shop clothing, beauty salon, an insurance company, collection companies, services delivery, massage parlor, or just to rent out an office.

+ Fire alarm system, flow ventilation, air conditioning, internet access, phones, video surveillance

Price $110,000

Available For Loan

(end of English translation)


So any of you who have always wanted a basement at Independence Square, a 2-minute walk to the m. Maydan Nezalezhnosti, for a mere $110,000 American, all you have to do is contact somebody named iceman_7713@hotmail.com (email address kauabonga@msn.com).

A word to the wise: “Cowabunga” is what Chief Thunderthud used to say on The Howdy Doody Show to Buffalo Bob Smith, or maybe it was to Princess Summerfallwinterspring, even though dictionary.com says it is “a yell of exhilaration, mainly used by surfers.” You just can’t trust anybody any more. Consider yourself warned.

Memo to Mother Nature: Please make up your mind!

Back in the early days of television, Buffalo Bob Smith opened every episode of a certain children's program with the words, “Hey, kids, what time is it?” and every kid in the peanut gallery answered, “It's Howdy Doody time!”

Every afternoon, I would sit transfixed as Howdy and Phineas T. Bluster and Princess Summerfallwinterspring and their friend Clarabelle the Clown flickered across our twelve-inch, black-and-white, Philco set. I also watched Miss Frances and her magic mirror on Ding-Dong School; and Burr Tilstrom, Fran Allison, and the whole gang on Kukla, Fran, and Ollie; and Beanie and Cecil, the Seasick Sea-Serpent; and Paul Winchell and Jerry Mahoney; and Pinky Lee; and Soupy Sales and his dogs, White Fang and Black Tooth; and even Jimmy Nelson and his dog, Farfel, who sang, “N-E-S-T-L-E-S, Nestle's makes the very best chocolate.” But I digress.

I dredge up these childhood memories only to mention that if Princess Summerfallwinterspring were alive and living in Georgia in 2008, Buffalo Bob would have to change her name to Princess Summerfallwinterspring,winterspring,winterspring,winterspring to describe accurately what's been happening around here. Mother Nature can't seem to make up her mind this year. We've had warm, balmy days in the 70's followed by plunges into the 30's, followed by temperatures in the 70's again, followed by blustery days with wind chill factors in the 20's. Yesterday's high temperature at Atlanta's airport was 82 and by tomorrow it's supposed to dive to around 30 again. Some of these wild swings in our weather have been accompanied by destructive tornadoes, fierce straight-line winds, and damaging hailstorms.

It's enough to rattle a person, but apparently it is par for the course. A man named Parnick Jennings who has owned funeral homes forever in Rome and Cartersville and who also hosts showings of old Bill Gaither Homecoming videotapes every Saturday night on one of our local cable channels (you haven't lived until you've experienced a television program hosted by a mortician) said recently “for all you newcomers” that Georgia often has three winters in one year. They even have been given names. He spoke of “blackberry winter,” “daffodil winter,” and “whip-poor-will winter.” We're all familiar with “Indian summer” in the autumn, but having special names for various winter cycles was a new concept to me. And kind of sweet. So as we brace for yet another bout of frigid air, please join us in praying that the cherry blossoms and dogwoods and azaleas will survive yet another blast from the Arctic's deepfreeze. And let us also give thanks, while we are at it, that the long drought appears at last to be coming to an end.