I also identify as Jonathan Swift

I want to share a couple of facts with you and then, like Jonathan Swift, make a modest proposal.

Fact 1:. The current population of the United States of America is around 330,000,000 living human beings plus, of course, an indeterminate number of dead ones who manage to vote in every election. At some point after the next decennial census (for readers in Alabama, that means a census that occurs every 10 years) takes place next spring we will have a more exact number to report in the living human being category.

Fact 2: According to a study released by George Mason University in 2018, the “Medicare for All” plan pushed by Senator Bernie Sanders and endorsed by a host of Democratic congressional and presidential hopefuls would increase government health care spending by $32.6 trillion over 10 years. Several other studies have been completed since then, and all are in the same ballpark, give or take a few trillion dollars here or there. To make our calculations easier, let's round that $32.6T to an even $33T.

Anybody guessed where I am going with this? No? Read on.

After learning those two facts, I had an "Aha!" moment that resulted in this Modest Proposal that I now present for your consideration:.

Whereas Our Glorious Leader is so busy doing things of great importance like pulling troops out of Syria and trying to avoid impeachment and trying to decide where to host the next G7 summit without violating the Emoluments Clause of the Constitution that he doesn't need to worry his pretty little orange head over a little thing like administering $33 trillion for healthcare, and

Whereas the 435 members of the United States House of Representatives and the 100 members of the United States Senate are also so busy doing things of great importance like trying to impeach Our Glorious Leader and criticizing him when he does such things as suddenly pulling troops out of places like Syria and scheduling G7 summits at his very own hotel in Miami, Florida, thus violating the Emoluments Clause of the Constitution, and we mustn't forget constantly fundraising to ensure their own re-election to the aforementioned House of Representatives and Senate that they have no time for such minor things as creating new laws and government agencies and finding ways to pay 33 trillion dollars for their constituents' healthcare without enraging said constituents, and

Whereas the author of this document noticed how evenly 33 trillion dollars can be divided among 330 million people, and

Whereas our government leaders can create as many postage stamps, certificates of citizenship, coins, and pieces of paper currency as they wish and no one can do anything to stop them,

Therefore, be it resolved that every living human being in the United States of American be given one million dollars ($1,000,000 USD) and let him or her take care of his or her own darned healthcare henceforth, even now and forever.

(end of proposal)

There, I did it and I'm glad, and if you think this proposal is bad, you should read the one Jonathan Swift made back in 1729.

P.S. —- Oops, I made a little boo-boo in my math. Giving 330 million people a million dollars each equals 330 trillion dollars, not 33 trillion dollars. You’ll be receiving only a hundred thousand dollars, not a million dollars, and it has to last for ten years. That’s only ten thousand dollars per year, which may not cover some people’s healthcare expenses. Best we not reveal the mistake and let them give us the full million dollars proposed. Besides, government estimates are so notoriously low that the actual cost may end up being 330 trillion dollars anyway, so all’s well that ends well.

P.P.S. —- As Senator Everett Dirksen of Illinois said many years ago, “A few billion here, a few billion there, pretty soon you’re talking real money.”