Guillermo y Catalina

...as Prince William and his Kate, el duque y la duquesa de Cambridge, are known in Spain, have welcomed this evening a bambino a papoose un niño pequeño, that is, the most darling little boy in the history of the entire world, to hear the folks in the media tell about it. The still-namesless waif weighed in at
8 lbs., 6 oz., and simultaneously made a grandmother out of
the late Princess Diana, a step-grandma out of the Duchess of Cornwall, a grandpa out of the Prince of Wales, and a great-grandmum out of another simple English girl, Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II. Rumour (note British spelling) has it that another family, Middlebrooke or Middlesex or something, is also peripherally involved.

The hoopla has already begun.

It is being reported that the inhabitants of the British Isles have gone on a huge bender, purchasing three million bottles of champagne for the occasion.

We may not be hearing from Yorkshire Pudding, All Consuming, klahanie, or Elizabeth Stanforth-Sharpe for some time.

And eventually we will learn whether the new little prince is a Carlos, a Felipe, an Arturo, or a Jorge.

Don’t believe everything you read

...because the newspapers and the online stories often get it wrong.

Take today, for example, the day the Duchess of Cambridge, the former Kate Middleton, is expected to give birth to another heir to the British throne.

In an online story earlier today, I read a caption under a photograph of Prince Charles, Prince William, and the aforementioned former Kate Middleton that said, “When the Duchess of Cambridge’s baby is born, it will be the first time in history that three generations of direct heirs will be in waiting while the sitting sovereign is fit and well.”

That is obviously not a true statement.

Even confining oneself to the British Isles (which is always difficult to do), it happened before during the reign of Queen Victoria (1837 - 1901), when Edward Albert Christian George Andrew Patrick David, the future Edward VIII, was born on June 23, 1894, to the future George V (born June 3, 1865) and his wife, Mary of Teck. George, a grandson of Queen Victoria, was the son of the Prince of Wales who would become Edward VII (born November 9, 1841) and his Alexandra.

Edward VII would reign from 1901 until his death in 1910, George V would reign from 1910 until his death in 1936, and Edward VIII ascended to the throne in 1936. Of course, he left it in 1936 as well (more on this below).

It (the three heirs scenario) could even be said to have happened twice because on December 14, 1895, eighteen months after Edward VIII was born, George and Mary had another son, Albert Frederick Arthur George, who became George VI when Edward VIII abdicated on December 11, 1936, to marry the woman he loved, the twice-divorced American, Bessie Wallis Warfield Simpson Spencer.

Of course, George VI (who was known as Prince Albert) was never considered “the heir” to the throne because he was a second son, just as Prince Andrew is Prince Charles’s younger brother and Prince Harry is Prince William’s younger brother. But Prince Albert (“Bertie” to his family) did become a future monarch, just as his brother (who was known as Prince David) did.

So I guess what I’m saying is this:

Don’t believe everything you read in a photo caption either.

I should also alert you to the fact that if history is any indication, the name given to William’s and Kate’s imminent progeny will probably not be the name under which he or she will be known when and if he or she ascends to the throne. After all, not only did Prince David become King Edward VIII and Prince Albert (“Bertie” to his family) become King George VI, the current Prince of Wales, Prince Charles, could become Charles III or Philip I or Arthur I or George VII (I’m betting on George VII), if and when he ascends to the throne. And William could become William V or Arthur I (or II) or Philip I (or II) or Louis I, if and when he ascends to the throne.

Except for having to look up the birth dates, I have written all of this post from memory. Am I an Anglophile or what?

Yes, I am.

P.S. -- It also happens that three of George III’s descendants who became future English monarchs were alive during his reign (1760 - 1820). They were George IV (born 1762), William IV (born 1765), and Victoria (born 1819). The sitting sovereign was hardly fit and well, however. From 1811 until his accession, George IV served as Prince Regent during his father’s final mental illness. And since George IV and William IV were brothers, not father and son, and Victoria was the daughter of yet another brother, they represented only two generations, not three.

Perhaps this is too much information for the current crop of journalists to take in.

But one has to consider...

Carole Middleton:

Carole’s daughter Kate (with a friend):

Carole’s daughter Pippa (with two friends):

and Carole’s son James:

Maybe there’s something to that heredity thing after all.

We few, we happy few.

The nuptial day of the new Duke and Duchess of Cambridge is apparently an even happier occasion than we thought. Either that or the groom’s family arrived already sloshed.

In what is surely a stroke of journalistic brilliance, at the exact moment when the next Prince of Wales was saying, “I, William Arthur Philip Louis, take thee, Catherine Elizabeth,” and the eyes and attention of the entire civilized world were fixed on the happy couple, our roving reporter today turned and pointed his camera at another part of Westminster Abbey and managed to capture the reaction of his grandmother, father, and stepmother.

The late Queen Victoria, however, the great-great-great-great-grandmother of the groom, in an attempt to maintain a modicum of royal decorum, issued a statement from beyond the grave through her publicist, saying, “We are not amused.” This is hardly surprising, as she died in 1901 and thus is unable to grasp fully the complexities and nuances of maintaining the monarchy in the twenty-first century.

Sharp-eyed viewers will note that although Her Majesty and the Prince of Wales sat upon exquisite Royal Blue Portable Wicker Thrones created especially for the occasion by Thrones ’R’ Us, the Duchess of Cornwall was relegated to a Royal Aluminum Lawn Chair. The Duke of Edinburgh, typically, was nowhere in sight. Perhaps he slipped away to find more bubbly.

Better late than never

Last Saturday -- a whole week ago -- Elvis Aaron Presley (January 8, 1935 – August 16, 1977) would have been 75 years old, and nary a word about it did I hear. Must have been pre-empted by all the William and Kate specials.

One of the people in the preceding paragraph will be king, God willing, but one of them already was.

(Photographs by Mario Testino)