My five-day absence explained, plus a reading

Five days have elapsed since my last post, a rather long time for me as I normally post every other day, give or take. Here’s why:

My modem gave up the ghost and I didn’t have access to the internet.

It’s that simple. I reported it Sunday morning to my provider’s technical support group and after remotely running a few tests of their own they agreed with me that my modem was indeed frozen, freaked out, dead, kaput.

They said they would order a new one on Monday and that I would receive it via FedEx on Tuesday.

Tuesday dawned bright and early and I arose expectantly.
I do that every morning, but never mind.

Slowly the hours ticked by. There was no FedEx guy at my door at 9:00 a.m., no FedEx guy at my door at 12:00 noon, and no FedEx guy at my door at 3:00 p.m. [Editor’s note. Note the inclusion of the Oxford comma. --RWP]

Just as I was about to give up all hope and begin composing a nasty letter to my internet service provider giving them a piece of my mind, the FedEx guy showed up around 6:00 p.m., rang the doorbell, and was back in his truck before I could get to the door. I found the precious long-awaited package on my doorsill.

So now I am back in Blogland with all you wonderful people sitting out there in the dark nice folks. Just telling you about my ordeal has made me too tired to post anything else.

Except I did tell Snowbrush in a reply to his comment on the previous post that my next post would contain more about Edgar Allan Poe’s “The Bells” so:

Here it is, read aloud and everything (3:59).

P.S. -- Now in the fifth week of my shingles, I am still taking the pain medication Neurontin three times a day. Can you tell?

P.P.S. -- My hiatus caused my number of page views per day to drop from 502 to 208, so I am including the name “Pope Francis I” here to get my blog traffic back up to speed. If that doesn’t work, there’s always Susan Boyle.


(Screenshot from DVD copy of the film Sunset Boulevard showing Gloria Swanson.)

Two! Two! Two awards in one!

I’m probably one of the few people old enough to remember a commercial for some kind of product that was supposed to do away with bad breath and taste like candy at the same time. I forget the name of the actual product, but the commercial went, “It’s two, two, two mints in one” and then one person would say, “It’s a breath mint!” and another person would say, “No, it’s a candy mint!” and, wouldn't you just know it (shades of Madison Avenue), it turned out to be both! A candy mint AND a breath mint! Two! Two! Two mints in one!

That old commercial came to mind this week when I received not one but two blog awards from Jeannelle in Iowa, author of a blog called
Midlife by Farmlight.

It’s the only blog I know of with a post that begins, “I was scraping cow manure in the barn a few minutes ago and...” or a post with minute-by-minute photographs -- detailed photographs -- of the birth of a calf, a post about how to tell the difference between male and female rows of corn, a post explaining what “rogue” corn is, a post about the author’s summer fling -- I believe she called it a “tryst” -- with a John Deere riding lawn mower, or where you can see pictures of stained glass windows from a Lutheran church built in the 1870’s while receiving an ongoing education in the Latin names of wildflowers of the midwestern prairie. Midlife by Farmlight is one of my favorite blogs, and I’m honored to have received these awards from Jeannelle.

The first one is the Brillante [sic] Weblog award and looks like this:



The second one is the Thinking Blogger award and looks like this:




I have nothing prepared [dropping sheets of paper], but I want to thank my agent, my hair stylist, my chauffeur, all you wonderful people sitting out there in the dark -- oh, wait, that last part was Gloria Swanson in Sunset Boulevard, which was named the Best Picture of 1950 by the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences. One story of why the Academy Award is called an Oscar is that Bette Davis said the rear view reminded her of her ex-husband Oscar and the name stuck (this story is not the officially authorized version). When Sally Field received her Oscar for Best Actress for her role in Norma Rae she exclaimed, “You like me! You really like me!” I know how she felt. For those of you have been asleep for the past 80 years, here’s what Oscar looks like:



Not to be outdone, the Television Academy of Arts and Sciences promptly came up with its own flashy award. Here’s an Emmy® statuette like the one Susan Lucci of All My Children fame finally won after nineteen years of trying:

So there are Tonys, Grammys, People’s Choice Awards, Golden Globes, CMA (Country Music Association) Awards, more awards than you can shake a stick at. But I no longer care about any of those. Who needs an Oscar? Who needs an Emmy? I have received Two! Two! Two blog awards in one!

If ever a week were brillig, if ever there were a time when slithy toves ought to gyre and gimble in the wabe, if ever the borogroves had a right to be mimsy, if ever the mome raths could outgrabe with impunity, this is that week and time.

O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay! I'm chortling in my joy!

My deepest apologies to Lewis Carroll.

I must think for a little while before naming the next recipients. I’ll try to be brillante.