Monday, June 15, 2009

From the round file, or Not every idea is a good idea


PREFACE

For the past two weeks I have been planning to start writing my novel, because if that idiot Billy Ray Barnwell can write one then it should be a snap for me. I even had the title all picked out, Finding Your Inner Fannie Flagg, but then I got to thinking how it is just wrong, wrong, wrong to choose a title before writing one single word of one’s novel. Talk about putting the cart before the horse. Now that I have actually started writing, I’m thinking of calling my book Fannie Flagg Is Alive And Well And Living In Santa Barbara, California.

I picked today, September 29, 2008, to begin my novel because it has been exactly nine months since the Republicans held their primary down in Florida to select delegates to their national convention this past summer, and the Democrats held their primary that day too although no delegates were involved because Florida was a bad boy or girl as the case may be and did something the national Democrats didn’t like at all so the big, bad, national Democrats turned Florida over their knee, figuratively speaking, and administered a good spanking, whap, whap, whap, whap, whap, to Florida’s behind, the Democratic portion at least, with a wooden hairbrush or leather slipper or razor strop if there is still such a thing as a razor strop, now there’s a picture, but Florida Democrats went ahead and had their little primary anyway even though it didn’t matter in the least because any delegates they chose were not going to be seated at the national convention this past summer, except, of course, the national Democrats rethought the issue and decided that maybe a state with more than 20,000,000 people ought to be able to get to participate in choosing a presidential candidate after all, and then all was forgiven and the delegates were seated and life went on as though nothing happened, in other words, politics as usual in the Democratic party. I swear, sometimes the national Democratic party gets itself confused with Mahmoud Ahmadinejad.

I don’t even want to think about politics just now because for one thing it makes my head hurt and for another the world will one day forget all about Mitt Romney and John McCain and Rudy Giuliani and Mike Huckabee and John Edwards and Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama, to say nothing of Joe Biden and Sarah Palin, because other truly world-shaking events will eventually occur that will push the American elections right off the front pages, I mean, what if an undersea earthquake had occurred somewhere off the coast of Africa and had caused a big tsunami to come along and wipe out Florida the day before the Democratic and Republican presidential primaries? I mean, we can never really know what’s going to happen, can we? I mean, the world has already forgotten all about Dennis Kucinich and Fred Thompson and Sam Brownback, and there wasn’t even an earthquake or a tsunami. I mean, can you remember what you were doing a week before September 11th, 2001? Neither can I, so let me jump right into my novel without further ado because, as cartoonist Al Capp used to make L’il Abner or Mammy Yokum or some other character of his say, time’s a-wastin’.

CHAPTER 1

14 comments:

Jeannelle said...

When my siblings or I were upset about something back when we were kids, my parents would say, "Fifty years from now it won't amount to a hill o' beans." Most likely, that happened in our minds by the next week.

Happy writing! And, you reminded me, I have a few more chapters of Billy Ray's book to read. How is he doing these days, anyway?

Putz said...

i used to say it this way, "dayylight is burnin' BUT YOUR WAY IS JUST AS VALID

rhymeswithplague said...

Jeannelle - Billy Ray is obviously alive and well, seeing as how he almost seems to have written this post.

Putz (David) - I do not understand your proverb at all. Or rather, I understand part A separately and I understand part B separately, but I don't understand the joining together of part A and part B. Please explain! Am I just being dense?

MDW said...

I think I finally actually understood something Putz said! I think it means time's a-wastin,' quit worrying about things that don't really matter, and get to doing what you need to be doing. Of course I could be wrong.

Rosezilla said...

ARGGGHHH!!! that was me again. don't know why it keeps doing that.

Dr.John said...

I have fifty six unused titles if that one doesn't work. My relatives in Florida want you to stop wishing bad things on them or they will begin to think you could be run over by a rhino before you finish the first chapter and a white rhino at that.

rhymeswithplague said...

Rosezilla (Tracie) - I'm glad you understood Putz. Now maybe you can tell me what Dr. John is talking about, because I haven't a clue....

rhymeswithplague said...

Oh, wait, I get it. Dr. John, for your information and that of your relatives in Florida, I was not and am not wishing bad things (such as tsunamis) on them. I was just running off at the mouth.

Pat - Arkansas said...

Why not choose a title before writing the chapters? After all, when your novel is finished, if the title doesn't quite fit, you have only a few words to change. So, quit burning daylight and get busy!

Besides, in a hundred years....

P.S. I'm not much taken with the idea of an inner Fannie Flagg. :)

P.P.S. I'm getting along fine with Firefox, but still getting used to some of the differences.

Reamus said...

RWP:

I do worry about the thought process you are using these days sometimes.
Yes there still is such a thing as a razor strop . I have one.

My the muse be with you...

Carolina said...

I'm very excited by the prospect of reading your book. I hope Billy Ray doesn't take over your writing.

Rosezilla said...

Well, maybe it was just subconcious (sp) plagiarism since on re-reading, I realize YOU actually said time's a wastin' so that we are going in circles. Are there a lot of rhinos in your parts? I don't know why the Dems don't ever quite get around to mentioning that the precinct that had all the trouble with the election was an almost completely DEMOCRAT precinct. Or that we are tired of being told that once New Hampshire has voted, it's all over and there is no point in us even bothering. Floridians, who are all from Indiana, can get a little cranky sometimes when they feel left out.

A Lady's Life said...

That's for sure. I don't think people are running for politics to do the right things. They waste so much time and money on things which don;t matter.
I think they are in it for the pension plan. lol
Why not. An easy job sitting around pencil pushing, chatting and criticising.lol

rhymeswithplague said...

Rosezilla - As far as I know, there are no rhinos whatsoever, white or otherwise, in my parts. That was just a figment of Dr. John's imagination, a figment of speech, as it turns out.

Carolina - I have to be on guard constantly against the possibility of Billy Ray Barnwell taking over my writing. Sometimes I win; sometimes I don't.

Lady's Life - Pencil pushing, chatting, and criticizing sound more like the mainstream media than the politicians (except lately the criticizing part). The mainstream media have tried to convince much of the American public that the media doing the criticizing are not now and never have been mainstream.

Putz Redux - I have decided that you are using reverse psychology and that you are really trying to motivate me after the manner of Jesus in John 9:4, "I must work the works of him that sent me, while it is day: the night cometh, when no man can work." Or am I reading too much into your implication that my way is actually not just as valid?