Life as we know it is over

There will be no more Ho Hos, no more Ding Dongs, no more Twinkies, no more Wonder Bread (motto: “Helps build strong bodies 12 ways”).

Hostess Bakeries is (are?) closing its (their?) doors and laying off 18,500 workers.

Here are the gory details.

In other, less important news, the U.S. is about to jump off the fiscal cliff, and Israel is mobilizing troops near the Gaza border after a deluge of rockets from Hamas.

But we know what the real news is, don’t we?

It’s none of those things, actually.

The real news is that actress Lindsay Lohan will portray Elizabeth Taylor in a movie.