Groaners

Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak grew chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can’t have your kayak and heat it too.

I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn’t find any.

A dyslexic man walks into a bra....

A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. “But why?” they asked, as they moved off. “Because,” he said, “I can’t stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer.”

An invisible man married an invisible woman. Their children were nothing to look at either.

A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says, “A beer please, and one for the road.”

“Doc, I can’t stop singing ‘The Green, Green Grass of Home.’ ” said the patient. “That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome,” said the doctor. “Is it common?” asked the patient. The doctor replied, “Well, It’s Not Unusual.”

Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love, and got married. The ceremony wasn’t much, but the reception was excellent.

I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a mussel.

Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly, “I was artificially inseminated this morning.” “I don’t believe you,” says Dolly. Daisy says, “It’s true, no bull!”

A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, “I’ll serve you, but don’t start anything.”

Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other, “Does this taste funny to you?”

(My thanks go out to my old friend and work colleague, Tom H., on whose Facebook page every last one of these has appeared. --RWP)