Friday, August 21, 2009

A beach umbrella, a lifetime supply of suntan lotion, and a mirror, naturally

On the fourth hour of the Today show this morning, the one hosted by Kathie Lee Gifford -- yes, that Kathie Lee Gifford -- and Hoda Kotb, someone had sent in the following question: If you were going to be stranded on a desert island, what three items would you absolutely need to have with you? Kathie Lee knew instantly. “My cell phone, lip gloss, and the Holy Bible,” she said.

I understand the Holy Bible. I even understand the cell phone, because even though there would probably be no cell tower anywhere near the island to transmit and receive phone signals, the particular “cell phone” Kathie Lee was holding had been revealed earlier in the program to be a cleverly-disguised flask. But lip gloss? Holy self-absorption, Batman!

So, what three items would you absolutely need to have with you if you were stranded on a desert island?

A few rules: People who are tempted to say marijuana, calamari, and Sasha Baron Cohen need not bother to enter. Same thing for people who are dying to say Regis Philbin, Kelly Ripa, and the Mormon Tabernacle Choir. And if you name something other readers might consider bizarre, please explain why you selected it. Oh, and keep it clean, please.


  1. DIY encylopedia, bag of tools and everlasting mosqito repellent!

  2. Maybe her lips crack in the heat.

    Bible, paper, and mechanical pencils (because a sharpener would be a 4th thing)

  3. An inflatable zodiac rubber boat, a 50 hp outboard and , well, maybe suscreen for the trip home!

  4. Tent, water desalinization system, and a tin cup. I'd love to have some matches, too, but I'll have to use the sun's reflection off the tin cup to start a fire. Is that possible, do you think?

  5. I would need an ocean going ship, a compass and a crew. And as we have to keep it clean, the crew would all have showered and preened themselves before I came aboard. We would sail away for a year and a day to the land where the bong tree grows.

  6. Interesting! jinksy would get busy building things, Ruth would begin recording her experience for posterity, and Pat would require lots of fresh water. Reamus would settle for an inexpensive way to get home, but the redoubtable Yorkshire Pudding requires a fully staffed, ocean going ship. A beautiful pea-green one, I presume.

    No one said Batman and Robin.

  7. "Oh, and keep it clean, please."

    I'm not sure what this means, but I would take food, lodging, and Marit Larsen iIf I had these, maybe I wouldn't need the sailing capability that Y.P. selected).

    As to Kathy Gifford, I couldn't help but wonder how often she actually reads the Bible. As for myself, I would go with Jinksy and choose a set of encyclopedias.