Wednesday, June 4, 2014

Irretrievably Flawed

Facebook readers are often invited to take little quizzes to find out things about themselves that will then be revealed to Their Waiting Public. Some people consider these little quizzes fun. Some consider them a complete waste of time. Some consider them a nuisance. Some consider them an indispensable part of their Facebook experience (this last group, which does not include me, also play Farmville, Candy Crush Saga, and Angry Birds).

Depending on the answers, these quizzes are supposed to be able to reveal certain things about you, such as:

What car should you drive?
What do your eyes mean?
What is your gift?
How long will you live?
What kind of dog are you?
What should be your theme song?
Which founding father are you?
What kind of essential oil are you?
Which TV mom are you most like?
Which Downton Abbey character are you?

Full disclosure: I succumbed to temptation and took one of the quizzes out of curiosity. I turned out to be Dowager Countess Violet, the character portrayed by Maggie Smith on Downton Abbey.

Live and learn.

The newest little quiz making the rounds asks, “What two words describe you?”

Something is rotten in the state of Denmark. All the answers that have been displayed to date have been self-flattering and complimentary. For example:

Selflessly Caring
Unconditionally Loving
Exceptionally Big-Hearted
Unbelievably Sweet

Who wouldn’t want to take a quiz that puts one in a good light? And who then wouldn’t post the results for all the world to see? Hardly anyone, that’s who.

Here are a few characteristics the quiz does not mention:

Incredibly Self-Absorbed
Alarmingly Reckless
Embarrassingly Flatulent
Mind-Numbingly Stupid
Totally Inconsiderate
Unapologetically Ill-Mannered

If you ask me, this particular quiz is Irretrievably Flawed.

And I won’t be holding my breath waiting for Version 2.0, either.

But I continue to wonder, though, what do my eyes mean (other than that I can see)? I suppose a person is told that blue eyes mean one thing and brown eyes mean another and green or hazel eyes mean something else entirely.

Unfortunately, I will never know.

I am Stubbornly Recalcitrant.


  1. I completed one of those 'How long will you live?' questionnaires last year, and was doing quite well - even after admitting smoking - but the final tally button gave me until this year to make amends with my creator. This could be my last comment.

  2. Mind-numbingly dull is another that no-one claims.
    I avoid those quizzes most of the time - and sneer/snigger at the results when I do them. Persistently cynical?

  3. Indeed, flawed quizzes amongst all the crap contemplation that makes up "Farcebook."

    Indeed, I'd much rather have a quiz that makes me look like a self-obsessed, egotistical maniac.

    The eyes have it, apparently. A good day to you, if you so wish.


  4. I don't do face book. I never realised what I was missing.

  5. Tom, I sincerely hope that this was not your last comment. I hope you have many more years in which to leave many, many comments.

    Elephant's Child (Sue), persistentl cynicism is a good thing to have. Without it, we would believe everything our leaders tell us.

    klahanie (Gary), I don't need to take a quiz to know that I am a self-obsessed, egotistical maniac. But then, aren't we all?

    ADRIAN (and why are you shouting?), if you can keep your Facebook virginity when all about you are losing theirs, you'll be a man, my son.

  6. I am consistently correct. It is a burden I carry well I feel. Thankfully I need not worry about an over inflated ego, as I am also inconceivably magnificent.

  7. It's all about the "me" generation. Now it is the "selfie" generation. We just can't seem to get over ourselves. But I do want to know what YOUR eyes mean!

  8. LightExpectations, please send me the special decoder ring so I can understand your answer.

    All Consuming, you forgot unbelievably humble.

    Flyaway, as soon as I find out myself, I'll let you know!

  9. Elizabeth, so am I. We hide it well, I think.

  10. lol... Barbara Walters did an interview with Katharine Hepburn, wherein she asked Hepburn, "If you were a tree, what kind of tree would you be?" That was more than two decades ago, and we're all still trying to define ourselves.

  11. LightExpectations, what you said -- it never happened. The videotape of the interview shows that Katharine was in the middle of answering a previous question of Barbara's and said "I'm just an old tree" or "I'm like an old tree" (I forget the exact wording) and continued talking. A few seconds later, Barbara asked, "What kind of tree?"

    Barbara Walters tried to set the record straight for years, but the legend persists.

  12. Oh, yes, I know the Hepburn comment that preceded the question, but the question is what stuck in people's minds ~ hence Walters' nearly futile efforts to explain it. Hepburn said she'd be an oak, I think, and explained why, and I'm sure it prompted viewers to start analyzing what sort of tree they themselves would be. We're awfully fond of analyzing ourselves: the very point your post underlines! :)

  13. Light Expectations; I was once asked that question at a job interview. I was, apparently, the wrong kind of tree for the job.

    Another interview proffered the question "What colour is your brain?" I didn't get that one either. The girl who did get the post was a Norwich city fan and told them that her brain was full of the green and yellows. Sadly, it was so full of them that she couldn't do the job and left after a month.

  14. LightExpectations, I can't remember ever analyzing what sort of tree I'd be. I shall now make like a tree, and leave.

    Elizabeth, there is a vast difference between being the wrong kind of tree and being the wrong kind of tree for the job. In my opinion, you could never be the wrong kind of tree. Furthermore, being called the wrong kind of tree for the job is not a criticism of the tree, it's a criticism of the job.