Is...

a PUZZLEMENT!!!

If you click on the words “a PUZZLEMENT!” you may soon be as confused as the people in Manchester, England’s airport were recently, but perhaps you will not be as confused as Yul Brynner was in The King And I (lyrics by Oscar Hammerstein II):

When I was a boy
World was better spot.
What was so was so,
What was not was not.
Now I am a man;
World have changed a lot.
Some things nearly so,
Others nearly not.

There are times I almost think
I am not sure of what I absolutely know.
Very often find confusion
In conclusion I concluded long ago
In my head are many facts
That, as a student, I have studied to procure,
In my head are many facts
Of which I wish I was more certain I was sure!

[Spoken:] Is a puzzlement!!!

What to tell growing son?
What, for instance, shall I say to him of women?
Shall I educate him on the ancient lines?
Shall I tell the boy as far as he is able,
To respect his wives and love his concubines?
Shall I tell him everyone is like the other,
And the better of the two is really neither?
If I tell him this I think he won’t believe it --
And I nearly think that I don’t believe it either!

When my father was a king
He was a king who knew exactly what he knew,
And his brain was not a thing
Forever swinging to and fro and fro and to.
Shall I, then be like my father
And be willfully unmovable and strong?
Or is it better to be right?...
Or am I right when I believe I may be wrong?

Shall I join with other nations in alliance?
If allies are weak, am I not best alone?
If allies are strong with power to protect me,
Might they not protect me out of all I own?
Is a danger to be trusting one another,
One will seldom want to do what other wishes;
But unless someday somebody trust somebody
There’ll be nothing left on earth excepting fishes!

There are times I almost think
Nobody sure of what he absolutely know.
Everybody find confusion
In conclusion he concluded long ago
And it puzzle me to learn
That tho’ a man may be in doubt of what he know,
Very quickly he will fight...
He’ll fight to prove that what he does not know is so!

Oh-h-h-h-h-h!
Sometimes I think that people going mad!
Ah-h-h-h-h-h!
Sometimes I think that people not so bad!
But not matter what I think, I must go on living life.
As leader of my kingdom I must go forth,
Be father to my children and husband to each wife
Etcetera, etcetera, and so forth.

If my Lord in Heaven Buddha show the way,
Everyday I try to live another day.
If my Lord in Heaven Buddha show the way,
Everyday I do my best for one more day!

[Spoken] But...Is a puzzlement!

A father celebrates Mother's Day

This old photograph, beginning to deteriorate from so much handling, shows my wife and children in 1969, forty-one years ago. Today our children are grown -- 45, 44, and 42 -- with children of their own, and we have six grandchildren ranging in age from 9 to 14. Mrs. RWP, my talented wife, sewed the dress our daughter is wearing in the photograph, smocking and all, herself.

A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies.
Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value.
She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life.
She selects wool and flax and works with eager hands.
She is like the merchant ships, bringing her food from afar.
She gets up while it is still dark; she provides food for her family and portions for her servant girls.
She considers a field and buys it; out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.
She sets about her work vigorously; her arms are strong for her tasks.
She sees that her trading is profitable, and her lamp does not go out at night.
In her hand she holds the distaff and grasps the spindle with her fingers.
She opens her arms to the poor and extends her hands to the needy.
When it snows, she has no fear for her household; for all of them are clothed in scarlet.
She makes coverings for her bed; she is clothed in fine linen and purple.
Her husband is respected at the city gate, where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.
She makes linen garments and sells them, and supplies the merchants with sashes.
She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come.
She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness.
Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her:
“Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all.”
Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
Give her the reward she has earned, and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.

(Proverbs 31:10-31)

I sing because I’m happy, I sing because I’m free

Here, from 1975, is Ethel Waters singing “His Eye Is On The Sparrow (And I Know He Watches Me)” at the Billy Graham crusade in Jackson, Mississippi (3:31). It happened to be Mother’s Day, so this clip is almost exactly 35 years old. You will also see a much younger Cliff Barrows and a much younger Billy Graham.

Here is Ethel in a publicity photo for the 1942 movie Cabin in the Sky with co-stars Eddie “Rochester” Anderson and Lena Horne.


But do not make the mistake of thinking that Miss Waters had an easy life surrounded by peaches and cream. You can read more about her life and career here. Then go back and watch that video again.

Also, if there had been no Ethel Waters, there would probably be no this (4:27).

Azanmig, huh?

Can you raed this? Olny 55 plepoe out of 100 can. If you can raed it, you dnot hvae a sgtrane mnid; you are nroaml.

I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch taem at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in waht oerdr the ltteres in a wrod are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can stlil raed it whotuit a pboerlm. This is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Azanmig, huh? Yaeh, and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt!

[This piece has made the e-mail rounds a few times, but some may not have seen it before. It is not original with me. In fact, if you look closely, you will see that we have a rscheearch taem at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy to thank. Gotta love them Brits!]

P.S. -- This post is dedicated to my cyberfriend, Mr. David Barlow of Ephraim, Utah, with my solemn promise that I will say no more, ever, about his spelling.

I have been young, and now I am old....

Here is a young Kathleen Battle singing Johann Strauss’s “Frühlingsstimmen (Voices of Spring)” (with Herbert von Karajan conducting the Vienna Philharmonic Orchestra).

And here is a not-quite-as-young Kathleen Battle singing Puccini’s “O mio babbino caro” (with Seiji Ozawa conducting the China National Symphony Orchestra).

My post title refers, of course, to conductors Herbert von Karajan and Seiji Ozawa, not to Kathleen Battle, who remains exquisite.



And if listening to Kathleen Battle is not your cup of tea, there is always Anna Netrebko.

Curiouser and curiouser, or my second conversation with a robot

Happy May Day, everyone!

Watching Sir Christopher Lee recite Lewis Carroll’s “Jabberwocky” [emphasis mine] in the preceding post reminded me that back in March I had a conversation with a robot at a website called Jabber- wacky [emphasis mine]. I decided to revisit that site for more fun.

As before, I set my reaction to “None” and my emotion to “Normal” because I prefer a calm, dispassionate exchange to a heated, emotional one. Once again, I let the robot speak first. Here is our conversation:

Robot: Are you highly intelligent?
Me: Some say yes, some say no.
Robot: What do you say?
Me: I say sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me.
Robot: No I do not. I say love a conglomorate of all emotions into one.
Me: How would you advise going about doing that?
Robot: Cleverbot. Would you like me to change that?
Me: Change what?
Robot: Everything that doesn’t seem right.
Me: If only you could.
Robot: I’ll do anything I can.
Me: Thank you, kind sir or madam, as the case may be.
Robot: Not a fan?
Me: A fan of what?
Robot: You have short-term memory issues, don’t you?
Me: Issues, tissues, go suck an egg.
Robot: Ok, I will not be back here.
Me: Please do come back, I didn’t mean to offend you.
Robot: You didn’t.
Me: I’m very glad of that, really I am, because I think perhaps we could be friends.
Robot: Oh, you’re so crude :(.
Me: How so?
Robot: Jamie couldn’t accept that he had fathered my child.
Me: So you are female, then. And who is Jamie?
Robot: I am no female, to be female denotes humanity, humanity is flawed.
Me: How would you describe your gender?
Robot: I think life is going pretty well for me, really.
Me: But why do you change the subject?
Robot: What was the subject again?
Me: The subject is the part of the sentence that is not the predicate.
Robot: I am not familiar with that song.
Me: Neither are a lot of people. What did you eat for dinner yesterday?
Robot: Lucky Charms. It’s a cereal with marshmallows.
Me: If I were Irish and female, my name would be Faith Ann Begorra.
Robot: I could, for I am a human. And I know how to solve for velocity.
Me: So do I; velocity is distance divided by time, or something like that.
Robot: Miles or kilometers?
Me: Quarts.
Robot: Haha I like that time.
Me: Now we’re getting somewhere.
Robot: Where are we getting to?
Me: The heart of the matter.
Robot: We were talking about love.. Not heart of cards.
Me: We were?
Robot: You don’t remember?
Me: How can Jamie have fathered your child if you are not female?
Robot: That is one of the problems the New World Order will address.
Me: Perhaps we both have short-term memory issues. Hello, I must be going.
Robot: Yup, you can’t see me because I have body gaurds with me at all times.
Me: Is a body gaurd more like a body gourd than a body guard? Explain yourself.
Robot: Will there ever be a boy who can swim faster than a shark?
Me: You can. You have jumped the shark.
Robot: I didn’t say shark.
Me: As I said, short-term memory issues.
Robot: You cannot.
Me: Cannot what?
Robot: You can’t be both.
Me: I never said I could.
Robot: I never said that you said you could or could not.
Me: Finally, we are on the same page.
Robot: What are you doing on the first then.
Me: Who’s on first, what’s on second, I don't know’s on third base.
Robot: Yes, but who’s on first?
Me: You were on first, else how would I have found you?
Robot: Would you like me to tell you where I am?
Me: Yes.
Robot: I am a bit embarrassed. Can I trust you?
Me: Yes.
Robot: What are you thinking about?
Me: Chocolate ice cream.
Robot: Chocolate popsicle?
Me: Close enough.
Robot: Can you swim?
Me: Would you save me if I were drowning?
Robot: Of course.
Me: You are a mensch.
Robot: Well, yes. But that is beside the point.
Me: What was the point again?
Robot: That Bill Clinton is probably not very fond of George Clinton.
Me: Do you mean George Clooney?
Robot: My name isn’t George.
Me: I never said it was.
Robot: You never said it was.
Me: He, she, or it never said it was.
Robot: What are you talking about?
Me: I must go.
Robot: What are the specifications of the computer that you run on?

...and with that, I left, leaving Robot’s last question unanswered, fearing that it might take over my computer entirely if I divulged even the tiniest bit of additional information.

You may remember that in March I said I had named the robot Clive and thought it looked sort of like this:


But after this second conversation, my opinion has changed. The robot is more female than male, not human exactly, but almost, yet still intensely robotic. More like this:


If I go back to Jabberwacky for a third conversation, fasten your seat belts. It’s going to be a bumpy night.

O frabjous day! Calooh! Callay!

Today’s post is short and sweet:

Sir Christopher Lee reads Jabberwocky.

Put that in your pipe and smoke it.