The rare song of the Secretary Bird

Here is a rare photograph of a Secretary bird (Sagittarius serpentarius) in the wild, taken by Yoky on 25 June 2008, at Serengeti National Park, Tanzania.

Hearing the song* of the Secretary bird is even rarer.

*song (sɒŋ), n., [Old English sang; related to Gothic saggws, Old High German sang; see sing] 1. (a) a piece of music, usually employing a verbal text, composed for the voice, especially one intended for performance by a soloist; (b) the whole repertory of such pieces; (c) (as modifier): a song book. 2. poetical composition; poetry. 3. the characteristic tuneful call or sound made by certain birds or insects. 4. the act or process of singing: they raised their voices in song. 5. for a song at a bargain price. 6. informal (Brit.) on song performing at peak efficiency or ability. songlike, — adj. (from The New World English Dictionary)

Today the readers of the rhymeswithplague blog have an opportunity that usually occurs only a few times in the lives of very few people, the opportunity to hear the song of the Secretary bird. Count yourselves among the fortunate.

Click here (1:51).

I’m showing my age, but...

Here’s one of my favorite singers singing one of my favorite songs....

If you’re the type who never clicks on links, it’s Bette Midler, and the song is “The Rose.” A woman named Amanda McBroom wrote the music and the lyrics in 1977, and it wound up in a film based on the life of Janis Joplin.

If you are one of the five people on the planet who don’t know this song, or if you couldn’t make out what Bette was singing in the video, here are the lyrics:

Some say love, it is a river
That drowns the tender reed;
Some say love, it is a razor
That leaves your soul to bleed;
Some say love, it is a hunger,
An endless, aching need;
I say love, it is a flower
And you, its only seed.

It’s the heart afraid of breaking
That never learns to dance;
It’s the dream afraid of waking
That never takes the chance;
It’s the one who won’t be taken
Who cannot seem to give;
And the soul afraid of dying
That never learns to live.

When the night has been too lonely
And the road has been too long
And you think that love is only
for the lucky and the strong,
Just remember in the winter
Far beneath the bitter snow
Lies the seed that, with the sun’s love,
In the spring becomes the rose.


We now return you to the cacophony that is 2011.

That Billy Ray Barnwell can sure fill up a page.

[Editor’s note: Filling in as guest blogger today is none other than our old friend Billy Ray Barnwell. Today’s post is an excerpt from his fascinating book, Billy Ray Barnwell Here: The Meanderings of a Twisted Mind, published by Truly-Godawful Books. --RWP]

......................................CHAPTER 9

Billy Ray Barnwell here, another teacher I remember from back in Not Grapevine is Mr. Steelman who taught us Chemistry, his first name was Noble or Norris or something equally weird, I don’t remember much about the Chemistry class itself except that in the lab my precipitate never would do what it was supposed to, what I do remember is Mr. Steelman got upset at someone one spring afternoon for having made the mistake of chewing gum in his class, he didn’t rant and rave the way Mrs. Lillard did in the eighth grade one time when Melvin Lovinggood sassed her and she came up the aisle to where he was sitting and screamed in his face and grabbed Melvin by the hair of his head and bounced him up and down two or three times right there in the seat where he was sitting and we all learned that when a red-headed woman gets angry she is a force to be reckoned with, no, Mr. Steelman just said in his very calm way that it wasn’t the chewing of the gum that bothered him so much, it was the smell, the gum was Juicy Fruit and Juicy Fruit made him sick to his stomach, it smelled just like a pair of old ripe socks he said, we all sniffed the air and you know what, he was right, well many years have passed since then and I have never been able to put a piece of Juicy Fruit chewing gum in my mouth since that day, it’s crazy what you remember, you would think I might remember something from the periodic table of elements, but no. I will also never forget an important lesson I learned at the feet of Mr. Ben Barber, the vocational agriculture teacher, he was one of the finest gentlemen I have ever had the privilege to know, he spoke with a slow Southern drawl, a very slow Southern drawl, it’s unbelievable how slow his Southern drawl was, and one day in class he said Boys, as you go through life you will be faced with many decisions, some are more important than others, and if you need help deciding whether you should or shouldn’t do something, or if you ever are wondering how important your decision could turn out to be in the overall scheme of things, Boys, just think of a plate full of ham and eggs, well we just looked at each other like Mr. Barber had finally gone off his rocker, but he just smiled and kept on talking, very slowly, and I have never forgotten what he said next, he said Boys, never forget when you are thinking about that plate full of ham and eggs, that on the part of the hen it may represent a commitment but for the pig it is a real sacrifice. Mr. Barber also was not a big fan of pasteurization of milk, because it didn’t remove the impurities, he said, it just neutralized their effect. Well that’s not exactly correct, what he actually said while we all sat there silently praying Dear God, please can’t you make Mr. Barber talk a little faster was Boys, if I had a big old ugly oozing boil on my arm and squeezed it into a pail of milk fresh from the cow, or if I blew snot from my nose into that pail, would you want to drink that milk? and we said no sir, we sure wouldn’t, and he said, well, if I took that pail of milk with that boil and that snot in it and instead of pouring it out I heated it up to a high enough temperature to where all the harmful bacteria in the boil and the snot are killed and can’t hurt anybody and then let the milk cool back down to where you could drink it without burning your mouth and put it in bottles and put the bottles in the refrigerated dairy case at the grocery store, now remember boys it still has the boil in it, it still has the snot in it, would you boys drink it then? and we said eeewww, no way Mr. Barber, no sir, we wouldn’t drink that milk and he said well boys, that is how pasteurization works, it doesn’t remove any of the impurities from the milk, it leaves them all in there, all it does is neutralize their effect, and we found out he really wasn’t against pasteurization, he just thought a good cheesecloth strainer could also prove useful, and you are prolly beginning to understand why all the boys who ever passed through his class and who are grandfathers by now can still remember what Mr. Ben Barber said, he really had a way with words. But he and the assistant vocational agricultural teacher, Mr. Troy Smith, could also be really hard taskmasters when the occasion demanded, for example if someone was caught in a major infraction of the rules, such as swearing loud enough to be heard by the teacher or getting caught smoking in the boys’ restroom, Mr. Barber and Mr. Smith both would say Boys, wear your widest belts tomorrow because so-and-so is going to be running the belt line and we all did because truth be told we kind of enjoyed inflicting a little pain upon a fellow student’s behind, it was invigorating in a sadistic sort of way and also very therapeutic for the rulebreaker, and sure enough the next day the class would be dismissed five minutes early and we would all file out and gather behind the gymnasium and form two lines, kind of like one of Mrs. Lillard’s spelling bees only closer together, and then we would take off our belts and Mr. Barber or Mr. Smith one would say, now Boys hold the buckle end in your hand, there’ll be no whipping with buckles, and then the offender would run as fast as he could almost the entire length of the gym between the two lines of eager boys and we really got in some good licks now and then, it made a person realize he didn’t want to break the rules too often, well not get caught anyways, and then we would all put our belts back on and come out from behind the gym with beatific looks on our faces like nothing had happened and go to our next class where one of us would take his seat a little more gingerly than the others and try to look as angelic as possible, and by the end of the day his reputation among all the students, boys and girls alike, would have grown mightily and he would have no trouble getting a date for the football game on Friday night, well the world has changed a lot since then, good is bad nowadays and bad is good, right is wrong and wrong has become right, Mr. Barber and Mr. Smith would prolly be put in jail for all the trouble they went to trying to make us into good citizens, the television reporters would definitely show up with their cameras to interview the boy’s indignant parents, we would prolly all see Mr. Barber and Mr. Smith being led away in handcuffs on the evening news, and the boy’s date for the football game on Friday night might even be one of the guys from the belt line, but we did have some good times in those days back in Not Grapevine, the lessons we learned were not always in books, and this is Billy Ray Barnwell signing off.

It’s Musical Monday

...so I’m taking a little survey.

1. Which version of “P.S., I Love You” do you prefer:
....A. This one by Mel (The Velvet Fog) Torme (2:48) or
....B. This one by Billie Holiday (3:36)? Why?

2. Which version of “Someone to Watch Over Me” do you prefer:
....A. This one by Ella Fitzgerald (4:33) or
....B. This one by Amy Winehouse (4:37)? Why?

3. Which version of “Good Night, Irene” do you prefer:
....A. This one by Eric Clapton and friends (4:01),
....B. This one by Willie Nelson and friends (2:35), or
....C. This one by Johnny Cash (2:42)? Why?

4. Who do you think was higher during the making of the videos in question #3, Eric Clapton or Willie Nelson? On what substance? Audiences count.

5. Rank all seven artists from 1 to 7, with 1 being the artist you like most and 7 being the artist you like least.

It is against the rules to say you don’t like any of the artists.

Also, for your information, there is no such thing as Musical Monday. I made it up. Blogworld does have a Sepia Saturday and a Wordless Wednesday, though. No, I don’t know why. I have yet to find a Meatless Tuesday, but I keep looking.

If enough people like this little survey, we may do another one sometime.

HOLD THE PRESSES! I found Meatless Tuesday. Not my cup of tea. Don’t say you weren’t warned.

I really saw myself the other evening

If you click here you will see Besse Cooper, currently the world’s oldest person. She turned 115 on Friday, August 26, 2011, and lives right here in Georgia. She attained the title when a woman in Brazil died in June.

In my part of the state -- the part we lump together and call “North Atlanta” -- we also have Dr. Leila Denmark, who is 113. She is currently the 7th-oldest person alive in the world. Much beloved locally, she was the oldest practicing pediatrician in the world when she retired at the age of 103 in 2001.

Compared to them, I’m still a youngster at 70.

There’s a guy about my age in England who writes a blog called Grumpy Old Ken that is usually a real hoot. Now and then, though, he makes us stop laughing and brings a tear to the eye.
A good example is this recent post of his, which includes a poem about an old man being cared for by nurses.

Ken mentioned the current state of his teeth, his eyesight, his knees, and his departing hair as signs of his own rapid decline. With me, it’s something else altogether. I could deny it until the other evening, but I cannot deny it any longer.

The other evening, Mrs. RWP and I were watching television when she suddenly said, “Would you get me a Q-tip?”

Being the helpful, thoughtful, and thoroughly obedient husband that I am, I immediately arose and walked toward the master bedroom because the master bedroom leads to the master bathroom and that’s where the Q-tips are. I thought I heard Mrs. RWP say, “Where are you going?” but I didn’t answer because she knew darned well where I was going.

I retrieved a Q-tip and brought it back to Mrs. RWP, who was still sitting in her chair watching television. I stood in front of her and held up the Q-tip. She had a quizzical look on her face.

“What is that?” she said.

“You asked me to get you a Q-tip,” I said, growing a little impatient and wondering whether Mrs. RWP was at last beginning to lose it. “Here it is.”

“I didn’t ask for a Q-tip," Mrs. RWP replied. “I asked if you would get me a few chips.”

We both had a good laugh.

It was a simple mistake.
I told myself anyone could make it.

But I'm the one who did.

In his post, Grumpy Old Ken quoted a couple of famous lines written by Robert Burns:

“O wad some Power the giftie gie us
To see oursels as ithers see us!”

You know what? I really saw myself the other evening.

I finally found a banjo of mass destruction (BMD)!

But not in Alabamistan.

At the movies.

Specifically, in the film Whatever Happened to Baby Jane? that we talked about yesterday.

Your Honor, I enter into the record Exhibit A (4:03).

I mean, what else would you call it but a banjo of mass destruction, given how the Hudson sisters, Blanche and Jane, turned out (2:20)?

Uh-oh. On closer inspection, Exhibit A might be said to contain a piano of mass destruction (PMD) as well. That hits a little too close to home. The jury will disregard this paragraph.

But most importantly, Your Honor -- and it should serve as a warning to all parents everywhere -- we intend to show that Exhibit A reveals a man who undoubtedly meant well, a man with talent, a man with a great deal of ambition, but -- when all is said and done -- a man who was actually a Daddy of mass destruction (DMD).

One other thing, Your Honor.

Any similarity between the Daddy in Exhibit A and yours truly is purely coincidental.

Je n’ai pas la plume de ma tante

...or, for that matter, de ma mère, mon père, ma soeur, mon frère, or even mon oncle. But I can still write a post, thanks to my trusty old computer and an ergonomically correct keyboard that I bought at a neighbor’s garage sale for ten dollars. It was still encased in its original sealed plastic wrapping, and it cost its original owner $39.00 American. I bought it to lessen the likelihood of my acquiring carpal tunnel syndrome. So far it has been doing its job well.

Why do people buy things and then never use them?

Recently I bought a pair of gray trousers that still had the original tags on them at a consignment shop for $5.00 (original price: $34.00). There was a lot of brand-new clothing in that store along with stuff the proprietors want customers to think has been “gently used” but some of which appeared to have been worn by every member of that huge family on 19 Kids and Counting. I don’t know what exactly it is that The Learning Channel and Mr. and Mrs. Jim Bob (Michelle) Duggar want us to learn from 19 Kids and Counting unless it is “Do as I say, don’t do as I do,” a teaching my father also tried to pass along to me, with little success. I believe a good case could be made that TLC wants us to learn the same lesson from programs like Hoarders and Sister Wives and Toddlers and Tiaras and My Strange Addiction and Whatever Happened to Baby Jane?

Oh, wait, that last one isn’t on The Learning Channel. It was a horror movie starring the very-long-in-the-tooth actresses Joan Crawford and Bette Davis some years back. I lost my head.

Just like Marie Antoinette, who was executed by guillotine on October 16, 1793. Lest we forget, so was one Maximilien François Marie Isidore de Robespierre nine months later on July 28, 1794.

I am rambling.

As Gomer Pyle used to say, “Surprise, surprise!”

Don’t get me wrong. I am all for liberté, égalité, fraternité and all that. But I am very glad on this August 25, 2011 -- some 222 years, 1 month, and 11 days after the storming of the Bastille -- that l’ètat, ce n'est-ce pas moi.

I am gladder still that this film clip (3:04) exists.

If this post makes no sense at all, chalk it up to the guns heat of August.

Here is a picture of Robespierre in drag Marie Antoinette and friend on a bad day a couple of ladies you might recognize.