Saturday, January 9, 2010
A few days ago, my blogger friend Dr. John Linna of Neenah, Wisconsin, or Dr. John Neenah of Linna, Wisconsin, whichever it is (I can never remember), posted the following clever piece of original writing on his blog:
Once the Great God Super Science spoke and said:
“There is Global Warming caused by greenhouse gases. The science is settled.”
From then until now it has been the task of the Super Science Priest to protect and advance this truth.
No other statement of possibility could be allowed as any other statement was clearly incompossible.
The evil forces of the fossil fuel companies sought to harl the poor dumb lay people so they could continue selling their evil product.
But the Super Science priests knew the truth. The science is settled. You could not harl them.
The Science is settled.
A few former Super Science priests sold out to the fossil fuel companies.
They said they had been wrong. There was no global warming caused by greenhouse gases.
The real priests wanted to thropple them, but of course in this age that is not allowed.
So they did the next best thing. They declared them to be no longer scientists because if they were true scientists they would believe in global warming caused by greenhouse gases because the science is settled.
When the science is settled you may no longer ask questions, publish negative papers, or demand to know the basic data.
The science is settled.
If a few scientists fudged a little, that makes no difference.
The science is settled.
The good news for the true believers is that the vast majority of real scientists believe in global warming caused by greenhouse gases and that the science is settled.
Only three kinds of people don’t hold this truth:
1. Unreal scientists paid off by the fossil fuel companies
2. Dumb flat-earth lay people
3. Evil manipulators like that fat radio guy.
But despite them the science is settled.
When you gather for weekly worship in the Global Warming Science temples, remember it is your task to spread the truth and stamp out heresy. Only Global Warming caused by greenhouse gases may stand.
For Super Science has spoken and the science is settled.
(End of quotation)
Dr. John is a 69-year-old retired Lutheran minister. Aside from the fact that I myself am not now nor have I ever been a retired Lutheran minister, or even a retired Lutheran, though I will admit to being retired and will also turn 69 just like Dr. John on my next birthday, and also aside from the fact that I have no idea what “incompossible” and “harl” and “thropple” mean, I felt compelled, compelled I tell you, to leave the following comment on Dr. John’s blog:
A reformation occurred in Super Science a while back, which you forgot to mention. The term now used among the Reformed Super Scientists (RSS-Minnesota Synod) is Climate Change because that term helps explain both global warming and global cooling, which the Super Scientists had overlooked. The RSS do believe that greenhouses gases are in, around, over, under, and at the root of everyone’s problems and only reformed science has the answer. However, a new denomination referring to themselves as Sun Spotters (SS) arose after a scientist named Martin Truther posted some stuff on a door somewhere. All of the groups believe that if science says it, that settles it, and if science can’t settle it, it can’t be settled.
Then I left a second comment that contained only three words:
Sola Sun Spots.
Everyone ignored my comments, but the good Dr. John himself left a comment on my blog later, thanking me for commenting on his blog (we are the Alphonse and Gaston of the blogging world), and the only reason I even mention any of this now is to let you in on the latest news. Meeting in synod secretly somewhere in Minnesota, the Sun Spotters (SS) have decided to change their name to avoid any chance of being mistaken for the Super Scientists (SS) who started the ruckus in the first place.
Would you like to know the new name the Sun Spotters have come up with?
Okay, I will tell you. Wait for it. Here it comes.
This has absolutely nothing to do with the latest icy blasts from Old Man Winter, but it gets me through my days.