Monday, January 24, 2011

It really doesn’t take much to make me happy.

In fact, here are 14 ways:

When you open your mouth to speak, say:

sub-siddy-ary, NOT sub-sidder-ary (for subsidiary)

puh-riffer-uhl, NOT puh-riffy-uhl (for peripheral)

in-sendy-ary, NOT in-sender-ary (for incendiary)

nu-klee-ar, NOT nu-queue-ler (for nuclear)

vak-you-um, NOT vak-yoom (for vacuum)

dye-uh-mund, NOT dye-mund (for diamond)

joo-uhl-ree, NOT jool-er-ee (for jewelry)

joo-uhl-er, NOT jool-er (for jeweler)

ree-uhl-tor, NOT real-uh-tor (for realtor)

ih-tal-yun, NOT eye-tal-yun (for Italian)

ear-ock, NOT eye-rack (for Iraq)

ear-ocky, NOT eye-racky (for Iraqi)

ear-ahn, NOT eye-ran (for Iran)

ear-onny-uhn, NOT eye-rainy-uhn (for Iranian)

There, that wouldn’t be so difficult, would it?

Or you could just include every one of those words in a comment. You wouldn’t even have to say them out loud.


  1. This afternoon, I visited an Italian jeweler who has recently opened an establishment featuring some really lovely jewelry. Sadly, I found all the items, especially those designed and manufactured in Iraq and Iran (by native Iraquis and Iranians), to be beyond my financial means. Returning home to perform menial chores, including running my vacuum cleaner across my office floor, my peripheral vision noted that your blog address, in my list of subsidiary Microsoft feeds, was showing in bold type, indicating an update to your site. Immediately, I set aside my chore and clicked on the link, anticipating that I would not find any incendiary wording in this particular post to your blog, which truly is a diamond. I was interrupted in my reading by a telephone call from a local realtor who was seeking listings in my residential area. I stifled what might have been a nuclear response, and politely declined to speak with her any further.

    I think that got them all!

    It may be only a matter of regional dilect (the difference between a Georgian and an Arkie), but "ih-rahk," "ih-rahn," "ih-rah-ky," and "ih-rah-nian" fall more gently on my ears.

    If you're happy, I'm happy.

  2. Now I'm even happier!

    You are right...ih-rahk, ih-rahky, ih-rahn, and ih-rahnian sound (and look) much better than ear-ock, ear-ocky, ear-ahn, and ear-onny-uhn! What was I thinking?

    Your versions are much closer to the pronunciations shown in (oddly enough). I guess I lost my head over -- not John Foster Dulles -- where the syllable breaks were.

  3. very informative and interesting blog.
    Thanks for sharing:-)

  4. I'm happy! I pronounced them all correctly, even before I read your preferred prononciation. So you must be happy too :-)
    I'm not going to include them all in this comment, since Pat already did that brilliantly.

  5. You Massachusetts guys shore do talk funny.

  6. Snow, fer yore infermashun, I ain't from no Matchatoochitts, no way, no sir. I'm Amurrican.

  7. And a Methodist Christian, by....oops, I was just about to swear. I'm reading the autobiography of Pat Cooper a standup comic who occasionally appeared on TV. He wrote about how hard it was to curse all the time, as was his wont, and then have to clean up his speech when he went on TV. This was in the 60s and 70s when he couldn't even say marinara (as in the sauce) because it sounded too much like marijuana, much less curse. Anyway, I catch myself time and again when I visit your blog. Perhaps, you could make things easier for me by blocking the dirty words but allowing the clean ones. Either that or a special dispensation. Oh, but I forget, that's what the pope gives, so I don't guess it would work for you. Then too, if you allow me to do it, Utah Putz and Arkie Pat might feel discriminated against.

  8. Snow, I speak the same way around everybody. That way, I don't have to "clean up" my speech when little children, sweet old ladies, television cameras, or Oregonian atheists from Mississippi are present.

    By the way, who decided what is "clean" and what is "dirty"? Words are just sounds a person makes with his or her mouth and to which meanings are ascribed. It must not be the sounds we make that get others so upset, it must be the meanings ascribed to the sounds.

    You do see my problem, don't you? I wouldn't know which words to block and which to let through. However, I have made an exception for you and Yorkshire Pudding; I will examine your comments with a fine-tooth comb. And since I am the sole arbiter of what makes it onto my blog and what doesn't, I will censor you in a heartbeat.

    So much for freedom of speech.

  9. Rhymes, I was kidding about blocking words--I didn't even know you could do that--can you?

    I knew people when I was a kid who became upset over words like darn, heck, doggone, and shoot, which, they rightly pointed out, were substitutes for profanity. I personally have no issue with dirty words per se, although I will readily admit that they become tiresome and meaningless when overused, and that they can be terribly offensive when used around people who object to them, or in circumstances where they are inappropriate. On my blog, I actually think a great deal about whether to use every single profane word that you see there.

  10. and Please say PROBABLY instead of prolly.....

  11. Wine, I hear you, but you weren't really talking to me. I believe your comment was meant for my friend, nemesis, and part-time alter ego (I do not say mentor), Billy Ray Barnwell.