Monday, January 17, 2011

She may grow up to be the Queen of Femininity

This year’s Miss America Pageant, held last Saturday night in Las Vegas and carried live on ABC-TV, was so bad that this contestant not only won the talent portion of the competition but was also named Miss Congeniality.

I’m kidding, I’m kidding. That was actually Bette Davis singing “I’ve Written A Letter To Daddy” from the iconic film Whatever Happened To Baby Jane? and I wonder, what is it about a film that makes people call it iconic? Joan Crawford was the first runner-up and won the wheelchair races hands down easily. Oops, no, sorry, I’m thinking of the Paralympic Games. Maybe the actresses were iconic and the movie was only a travesty.

For the record, I do think Miss Arkansas, a yodeling ventriloquist, was robbed. And since we’re asking questions (well, I was), what kind of stupid moron producer instructs the camera operator to take a close-up of THE MOUTHS OF THE DUMMIES? (and yes, I am shouting at this point.)

You should watch the final couple of minutes of the program just to hear Bert Parks sing “There She Is, Miss America!”

I’m pretty sure his song was pre-recorded, as Bert died in 1992. That may be why he mentions Atlantic City, which is in New Jersey, when the pageant has been held for several years now in Las Vegas, which is in Nevada. And setting aside the question of talent (Miss Nebraska's was so bad I’m not even going to torture you with it), do you see what I mean about Miss Arkansas?

I knew it was going to be a long night when the male host was from ABC’s The Bachelor, the female host (hostess?) was from ABC’s Dancing With The Stars, and one of the judges was Joy Behar from ABC’s The View.

As they used to say down in Texas, beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes all the way to the bone.


  1. Shucks! I haven't watched the Miss America pageant in years, so I missed our state's yodeling contestant.

    Because I was not an attractive child/teenager, I hated it when my daddy would remind me that 'beauty is only skin deep.' I think I once told him that I'd like to have some new skin.

  2. How ugly is the green-eyed monster! Pure unbridled jealousy that the Nebraskan farm girl won the title ahead of your very own Miss Georgia - Christina McCauley - one of America's leading academics. Not only has she got a degree in "vocal performance" she is currently going for her second degree in "childhood education". Not for Christina an easy-going course in astrophysics, Latin or English Literature, no way - she's taking the academic high road baby.

  3. Pat, Miss Arkansas this year is a beautiful young woman. Her talent, while not spectacular, was better than the other semi-finalists I saw.

    Yorkshire P., I don't even remember seeing Miss Georgia, to tell the truth. She wasn't in the top ten or twelve or fifteen or whatever this year's crop of semi-finalists numbered. But with a degree in vocal performance she pprobably would have blown away any of the semi-finalists I did hear. Some were downright pitiful. The new Miss America is only 17, the youngest one since the pageant began 90 years ago. She ain't got no degree in nothing, except high school.

  4. lol I saw the winner and heard she was only 17 and very pretty.
    Her whole life ahead of her.:)
    Some girls depend on this to get money for an education . I don't watch the program but I do know one girl, who lives in Washington state, running from another state. So I don't know how that really represents the state you are from and today the girls are not the girls we expect to run for these things. They are so far ahead in life and know the score.A lot has changed from coming out balls. Today girls come out at 12 on their own unfortunately. lol

  5. I think the "scholarship pageant" tag is a red herring. They do give out scholarship money, but the hundreds and even thousands of dollars the contestants spend on their gowns could have gone toward their education too. Claiming to be a scholarship organization was, in my opinion, a clever ruse to get a leg up (no pun intended) on the competition.

  6. "Coming out balls"! I'm shocked - talking like that "A Lady's Life" ain't no lady!

  7. Y.P., please do not coarsen our conversation! Our Canadian friend was referring to debutantes and cotillions.