Banjos of Mass Destruction?

Once again Mrs. Rhymeswithplague and I find ourselves in the dreaded and dangerous Alabamistan (northern sector), where we must come when we want to visit our daughter, her husband, and our two grandsons.

As on our numerous previous incursions, we determined to continue our search for the banjos of mass destruction about which so much is written but very little seems to be known. Of necessity, our intelligence gathering has had to be done surreptitiously. You can imagine our shock to learn today that our own grandsons are involved in some very questionable activities.

We discovered that under our very noses the next generation is being systematically trained in the operation of terroristic devices. Our own grandsons have attained a remarkable level of proficiency in a new weapon system known as Band Hero, which, it can now be reported with a high level of certainty, combines the previously discovered weapon Guitar Hero II (GH-II) with the even more fearsome Electronic Drums Plus Microphone (EDPM).

This evening we were also forced to listen briefly to a cacophanous display of discordant sounds on Alabamistan Public Television that would not be tolerated in our own more civilized environs. Afterward, as we tried to recover from the unexpected assault on our ears by such odious “music” (so called), the likes of which we have never before heard, the announcer said, “I’m sure you enjoyed that inspiring performance of Rhapsody in Blue”! Only one adjective applies to what we heard, and it is not inspiring. It is unrecognizable.

Oh, the humanity!

We are not deterred by the fact that we have yet to discover any actual banjo on anybody’s knee.

Our only regret is that we have but one set of ears -- well, okay, two sets, actually -- to give for our country.

Here are our two Alabamistan grandchildren when they were two and three, respectively. Now they are nine and nearly eleven.


Don’t they look dangerous?