Wednesday, January 9, 2019

Thank you, dear, but you really shouldn't have.

I have not yet been able to take the Nativity set down and pack it away for another year. I can't get to it because of all the swag my true love sent to me during the twelve days of Christmas.

Currently our house is awash in the following clutter tokens of Mrs. RWP's love:

12 drummers drumming
22 pipers piping
30 lords a-leaping
36 ladies dancing
40 maids a-milking
40 cows being milked
42 swans a-swimming
6 rather large swimming pools (luckily they are the inflatable kind)
42 geese a-laying
42 goose eggs
40 golden rings
36 calling birds
30 French hens
22 turtle doves
12 partridges
12 pear trees

The stench alone from all the bird poop is unimaginable and the food bills for all the extra guests have become enormous.

I have devised a plan.

I'm going to pawn some of the rings to get enough money to pay for the clean-up and hauling away of said tokens and the immediate relocation of the additional household members. If there is enough money left over, I will use it to pay for psychiatric sessions for Mrs. RWP. If she reuses to attend the sessions, I will attend them myself.

Divorce is not an option.


  1. You could cut the number of cows because each maid can milk more than one. If you are so inclined several of the birds are edible. The pears from the trees could be made into foods both for consumption and for sale. You could make a couple of pennies to help support the remainder.

  2. Emma, there were indeed eight cows because the gift was "eight maids a-milking", not "eight maids who take turns milking" -- all of them were milking at the same time! Good suggestion, though, to eat some of the birds and can some of the pears. Any monies made will be invested in shovels to clean up after the cows.

  3. Graham,, uh, no. Besides not being interested in such a career change for myself, the HOA (Home Owners Association) in this neighborhood would have conniption fits.