Modifier placement is so important

I just saw a television commercial for a vitamin supplement or rejuvenating product of some sort in which a man said, "I'm 63 and I can still almost hit a golf ball three hundred yards."

He didn't mean to say that he could still almost hit a golf ball, he meant to say that he could still hit a golf ball almost three hundred yards. Do you see the difference?

Even when the modifier was in the right place, comedian Milton Berle could find a joke. He told an audience he was 83 and he and his wife had sex almost every day of the week, adding that they had sec almost on Monday, sex almost on Tuesday, sec almost on Wednesday....

I hope you're not offended; I thought it was funny.

My own personal faux pas involving a misplaced modifier occurred in Macy's department store several years back. I said to the salesperson that I wanted to buy a black man's umbrella, when what I should have said was that I wanted to buy a man's black umbrella.

On another note, my email inbox is full to overflowing constantly of late, most of it unwanted. Yesterday I received 307 new messages, of which 178 were political. I for one can't wait until (and will be so glad when) this election cycle is over.

Whether life will return to what passes for normal is another issue entirely.

Time will tell.

First do no harm (Hippocrates, c.460 - c.370 BCE)

In the previous post, I told you that Mrs. RWP (the lovely Ellie) had suffered several episodes of the rigors (shivering, teeth chattering, etc.) and that having her gall bladder removed had not stopped them. Rachel remarked in a comment that gall bladder removal and teeth chattering and shivering sounded like a strange combination to her. I said I would explain in my next post.

Here we are at my next post and I will give it the old college try. Please keep in mind, though, that I am not a doctor, I am not an expert, and mainly I don't know what I'm talking about. I just read a lot and that is always dangerous.

During one of Ellie's hospitalizations, one of the doctors mentioned "rigors" -- no one else had used that term -- and I looked it up. It did describe what she had experienced (shivering, trembling, teeth chattering) and that a likely or possible cause (I don't remember the exact wording) was the portion of the brain called the hypothalamus, which is the body's thermostat. Sometimes, for reasons not clear, the hypothalamus decides to change the body's 'set-point' temperature, and it can (and often does) result in rigors as the body attempts to adapt to the change, This is my very unscientific summary of what the article said.

It rang a bell with me because ever since I met Ellie 63 years ago she has told me and nurses and doctors that her normal temperature is 97.6°F instead of 98.6°F (37°C). In the last couple of years it seems to have dropped even lower, the thermometer often reading 96.5 (35.8) and even 96.0 (35.5) on occasion. I have concealed my alarm by teasing that she must be part reptile; she gets my point but remains unconcerned. In July, the episodes of rigors began occurring about once every three weeks, the latest and most severe being this past Monday night. We do know for sure that her gall bladder is not the reason because she hasn't had one since mid-September. Perhaps I should say "not the only reason" as the surgeon remarked that the gall bladder he removed was "very angry".

Our PCP did give a referral to an endocrinologist for further testing but we are currently on hold with that as this particular endicrinologist only treats patients with thyroid problems or diabetes, neither of which has been indicated.

Another possibile cause (or aggravator) for Ellie's rigors is dietary choices. We are learning the hard way that without a gall bladder a person should prefer low-fat foods almost exclusively and scrupulouy avoid egg yolks, mayonnaise, seafood salad, and the like.

I hope this post is helpful and does not lead people to reach erroneous conclusions. You should always check with your physician about any questions or personal issues you may have about your health.

Your trivia factoid for today is that the words "do no harm" do not appear in the Hippocratic oath. Hippocrates did include them, however, in another of his works entitled Of The Epidemics.

Continuity is highly overrated

Thursday morning marked the first frost of this season at our house and I'm just getting around to telling you about it on Saturday night. Time flies when you're having fun, and sometimes even when you're not.

Mrs. RWP (the lovely Ellie) and I received our flu vaccinations and COVID vaccinations this afternoon.

We have had an unsettling horrendous interesting last three months. Mrs. RWP (the lovely Ellie) experienced three episodes of prolonged shivering and teeth chattering that led to two ambulance rides and three hospitalizations, culminating in a surgery called a colocystectomy, the medical term for having one's gall bladder removed. The very odd thing is that she had two more episodes of the rigors (shivering, teeth chattering, etc.) after the surgery, which caused a great deal of confusion in the local medical community. Tests were performed that eliminated the possibility of the pancreas being a part of the problem. The rigors have now ended and Mrs. RWP's recuperation is proceeding apace. Our PCP (primary care physician, current name for what used to be called a family doctor) believes she was having what he called "a stunted immune system response." Who knew?

The two most recent Jeopardy! answers that I knew and the contestants didn't were "What is buckaroo?" and "What is ballyhoo?"

The University of Alabama footbal team, ranked #1 in the nation, has been defeated by two teams from the neighboring state of Tennessee this season, first by Nashville's Vanderbilt University two weeks ago and then by Knoxville's University of Tennessee today. Tuscaloosa is not a happy place right now.

A roundabout is being built at the entrance to our subdivision (British, neighbourhood), so it is not a happy place right now either.

Let the commenting begin.

Great poem, Prufrock

One of my dad's favorite riddles was this one:

As I was going to St. Ives, I met a man with seven wives. Each wife had seven cats. Each cat had seven kits. How many were going to St. Ives?

I was determined to get the answer and did the math: 1 man + 7 wives + 49 cats + 343 kits = 400 going to St. Ives, oh and don't forget the one who asked the question, 1 more person, so 401 is the answer, there were 401 in all going to St. Ives.

"Wrong!" chortled my dad, happy to have tricked me. "There was only 1. As I was going to St. Ives! All the rest were returning from St. Ives!"

It taught me to listen more closely to what is being said, and when my friend at school said, "How many of each kind of animal did Moses take with him on the ark?" I said, "None. It was Noah on the ark, not Moses."

My dad also liked tongue twisters such as these:

-- She sells seashells by the seashore.
-- Rubber baby buggy bumpers.
-- How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
-- Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers; if Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers, how many pickled peppers did Peter Piper pick?

These are trite now, but they were real knee-slappers back in the day.

I am a bit more cerebral than my dad, who also liked to say "Pull my finger."

I am more the type to wonder aloud whether, if T.S. Eliot had lived in Rochester,New York, J. Alfred Prufrock would have said, "In the room the women come and go / Talking of Lake Ontario." Stuff like that.

The commonality is that we both have (or in his case, had) weird aspects to our personalities, so much so that my mother often said to each of us, "Everybody's crazy except me and thee, and even thee is a little bit crazy."

I grow old ... I grow old (83 on my last birthday) ...

I shall wear the bottoms of my trousers rolled. Shall I part my hair (what's left of it) behind? Do I dare to eat a peach?

I shall wear white flannel trousers and walk upon the beach.

I have heard the mermaids singing, each to each.

I do not think that they will sing to me....

Great poem, Prufrock. Every old person should reread it, even if it never made any sense to you when you were younger.

This is quite a disjointed post, n'est-ce pas? And yet I will send it on its way, out into the world, to do what it will, what it was meant to do from before its creation. If you can figure out what that is exactly, please enlighten me in the comments section.

A few more proverbs

You can't make a silk purse out of a sow's ear.
You can't get blood out of a turnip.
Great oaks from little acorns grow.
You can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink.
A miss is as good as a mile.
An apple a day keeps the doctor away.

My dad would always add that an onion a day keeps everybody away. Sometimes he could be infuriating, but sometimes he made a lot of sense.

What are some of your favorite (British, favourite) proverbs that haven't been mentioned in these last two posts?

October ruminations on no particular subject

There are proverbs and then there are proverbs. Here are a few:

A stitch in time saves nine.
Marry in haste, repent at leisure.
A new broom sweeps clean.
You can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar.
Once burned, twice shy.
A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.
Absence makes the heart grow fonder
Out of sight, out of mind.
Waste not, want not.
When in Rome, do as the Romans do.

Writer Flannery O'Connor (1925-1964) of Milledgeville, Georgia, said, "When in Rome, do as you done in Milledgeville ."

Just as two of the proverbs in the above list say opposite things (absence making the heart grow fonder versus being out of mind when out of sight), in the book called Proverbs in the Bible there are adjacent verses in the 26th chaper that convey opposite messages:

"Answer not a fool according to his folly, lest thou also be like unto him." (Proverbs 26:4)

"Answer a fool according to his folly, lest he be wise in his own conceit." (Proverbs 26:5)

which only goes to prove that these cannot be commands from God (since it is imposdible to do both, only one or the other) but merely a collection of things people say.

It is also possible that these verses advocate choosing to do whatever is best in the moment, which requires discernment.

Finally, and for no particular reason, here is a list of things that come in twelve:

Things That Come In Twelve

Eggs
Doughnuts
Labours of Hercules
Apostles of Jesus Christ
Parts of the Boy Scout Law
Days of Christmas
Months of the Year
Signs of the Zodiac
Sons of Jacob
Tribes of Israel
Pence in an old-style Shilling
Tones in a chromatic Scale
Faces on a Pair of Dice
Hours ante meridian (a.m)
Hours post meridian (p.m.)
Jurors on a jury
Baskets of food left over after Jesus fed the 5,000 using only five loaves and two fishes

A Boy Scout, just so you know, is trustworthy, loyal, helpful, friendly, courteous, kind, obedient, cheerful, thrifty, brave, clean, and reverent.

Oh, and it follows as the night the day, exhausted. Don't forget exhausted.

Rosh Hashanah, Jewish New Year, ends at sundown today. Remember to start writing 5785 on all of your checks (British, cheques).

I'm kidding.