Modifier placement is so important

I just saw a television commercial for a vitamin supplement or rejuvenating product of some sort in which a man said, "I'm 63 and I can still almost hit a golf ball three hundred yards."

He didn't mean to say that he could still almost hit a golf ball, he meant to say that he could still hit a golf ball almost three hundred yards. Do you see the difference?

Even when the modifier was in the right place, comedian Milton Berle could find a joke. He told an audience he was 83 and he and his wife had sex almost every day of the week, adding that they had sec almost on Monday, sex almost on Tuesday, sec almost on Wednesday....

I hope you're not offended; I thought it was funny.

My own personal faux pas involving a misplaced modifier occurred in Macy's department store several years back. I said to the salesperson that I wanted to buy a black man's umbrella, when what I should have said was that I wanted to buy a man's black umbrella.

On another note, my email inbox is full to overflowing constantly of late, most of it unwanted. Yesterday I received 307 new messages, of which 178 were political. I for one can't wait until (and will be so glad when) this election cycle is over.

Whether life will return to what passes for mormal is another issue entirely.

Time will tell.