Windfall

Today I received a check in the mail along with the following letter:

To: [Me]

From: AT&T MOBILITY WIRELESS DATA SERVICES

Subj: AT&T MOBILITY WIRELESS DATA SERVICES SALES TAX LITIGATION SETTLEMENT

This payment represents your (pro-rata) settlement amount resulting from the resolution of the AT&T MOBILITY WIRELESS SERVICES SALES TAX LITIGATION. If you paid taxes, fees or surcharges ("Internal Taxes") to AT&T Mobility LLC ("AT&T Mobility") on internet access through certain services including iPhone data plans, Blackberry data plans, other smart phone data plans, laptop connect cards and pay-per-use data services on bills issued from November 1, 2005 up to and including September 7, 2010, you are deemed eligible to receive this amount from the class action settlement. The funds contained in the check are a refund of your taxes that were covered by the settlement. This settlement is final. Depositing this check does not obligate you to any future product or service and you will not receive any additional correspondence relating to this settlement. If you have questions about the check or the settlement, please visit [web address] for more information. You may also write a letter to the Settlement Administrator at [address].

And right there, below the perforated line, was a check made out to me for the following amount:


The sum of $****Zero Dollars AND Three Cents****
$****0.03****

I used to opine, or maybe I was prophesying, that when my ship came in, there would probably be a dock strike. Well, I was wrong. There wasn't a dock strike. I just don't know where I'm going to spend it all.

But wasn't it sweet of them to give me permission to write them a letter?

A shout-out to Francis Scott Key

We are having a heat wave in this part of the world just now. Yesterday our high temperature was 95°F (35°C) but it felt worse than that. Our heat index (which has something to do with humidity, and we are nothing if not very humid) was between 100° and 105°F (37° to 40°C). These conditions are expected to last at least another week. We may all be fried before it is over.

As a Christian evangelist might say, "And it's going to get a lot hotter if you don't start living right."

In case you don't get the connection, the Christian evangelist would be referring to the fires of Hell.

When I was a kid growing up in Texas, we had such a long hot dry spell that the Baptists were sprinkling and the Methodists were using a damp cloth. One time I saw a dog chasing a cat and they were both walking.

I'm kidding. Yuk it up, folks, these are the jokes.

Yesterday was Flag Day in the United States and I had intended to publish all four verses of our national anthem, The Star-Spangled Banner, instead of the more traditional story of General George Washington asking Betsy Ross in 1777 to make the first American flag in Philadelphia. Operating under the theory that it is better late than never, I will do it now.

Here is the complete version of "The Star-Spangled Banner" showing spelling and punctuation from Francis Scott Key's 1814 manuscript in the Maryland Historical Society collection.

O say can you see, by the dawn's early light,
What so proudly we hail'd at the twilight's last gleaming,
Whose broad stripes and bright stars through the perilous fight
O'er the ramparts we watch'd were so gallantly streaming?
And the rocket's red glare, the bomb bursting in air,
Gave proof through the night that our flag was still there,
O say does that star-spangled banner yet wave
O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave?

On the shore dimly seen through the mists of the deep
Where the foe's haughty host in dread silence reposes,
What is that which the breeze, o'er the towering steep,
As it fitfully blows, half conceals, half discloses?
Now it catches the gleam of the morning's first beam,
In full glory reflected now shines in the stream,
'Tis the star-spangled banner - O long may it wave
O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave!

And where is that band who so vauntingly swore,
That the havoc of war and the battle's confusion
A home and a Country should leave us no more?
Their blood has wash'd out their foul footstep's pollution.
No refuge could save the hireling and slave
From the terror of flight or the gloom of the grave,
And the star-spangled banner in triumph doth wave
O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave.

O thus be it ever when freemen shall stand
Between their lov'd home and the war's desolation!
Blest with vict'ry and peace may the heav'n rescued land
Praise the power that hath made and preserv'd us a nation!
Then conquer we must, when our cause it is just,
And this be our motto - "In God is our trust,"
And the star-spangled banner in triumph shall wave
O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave.

There. I did it and I'm glad. Another unbelievably esoteric post straight from my brain to you. And I never once mentioned (until now) the War Of 1812.

A beautiful absolutely marvelous word

But first, did you know that each and every day 21,500,000 people in this world celebrate birthdays? It's true. The population of the world is estimated to have been 7,868,000,000 as of January 1, 2022, and there are 365.25 days in a year. Do the math.

The same article told me that the world had grown by 74,000,000 people since the preceding January 1st, and that every single second 4.3 people are born and 2.0 people die.

I do hope someone out there finds such data interesting.

Stated differently, if the population of the world is A, the number of days in a year is B, and the number of people celebrating birthdays each day is C, the formula for determining C is C = A over (divided by) B. Just remember, when it comes to numerators and denominators, there is a fine line between them.

Well, enough of that. Onward and upward.

Way back in 1969, during the first season of the children's television series Sesame Street, Big Bird saw a sign containing the whole alphabet and said, "Boy, look at that beautiful absolutely marvelous word". He tried to pronounce it as one word and it came out (this is an approximation) "Abka-def-ghi-jekyl-min-op-quer-stuv-wik-siz". Then he launched into what became an iconic song sung several times over the years:

ABC-DEF-GHI-JKL-MNOP-QRSTUV-WXYZ
It's the most remarkable word I've ever seen
ABC-DEF-GHI-JKL-MNOP-QRSTUV-WXYZ
I wish I knew exactly what I mean
It starts out like an "A" word, as anyone can see
But somewhere in the middle it gets awful "QR" to me
ABC-DEF-GHI-JKL-MNOP-QRSTUV-WXYZ
If I ever find out just what this word can mean
I'll be the smartest bird the world has ever seen!

What can that strange looking word possibly mean?
Funny word

It might be kind of an elephant
Or a funny kind of kazoo
Or strange, exotic turtle
You never see in a zoo
Or maybe a kind of a doggie
Or particular shade of blue
Or maybe a pretty flower

Nah, not with a name like that, uh-uh

ABC-DEF-GHI-JKL-MNOP-QRSTUV-WXYZ
It's the most remarkable word I've ever seen
ABC-DEF-GHI-JKL-MNOP-QRSTUV-WXYZ
I wish I knew exactly what I mean
It starts out like an "A" word as anyone can see
But somewhere in the middle it gets awful "QR" to me
ABC-DEF-GHI-JKL-MNOP-QRSTUV-WXYZ
If I ever find out just what this word can mean
I'll be the smartest bird the world has ever seen!

Whenever I think of that song, I do not think of Big Bird. I think of Mr. Snuffleupagus, who actually fits the bill as "kind of an elephant".

I also think of four places in the book of Revelation, the last book of the Christian New Testament. In chapter 1, verse 8, and chapter 21, verse 6, we read "I [the Lord] am Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the end." In chapter 1, verse 11, and chapter 22, verse 13, we read "I [the Lord] am Alpha and Omega, the first and the last."

As you probably know, the New Testament was written in Greek nearly 2,000 years ago. In the Greek alphabet the first letter is called Alpha and the last letter is called Omega. To my way of thinking, the Lord is not only Alpha and Omega (the first and last, the beginning and the end, the A and Z, as it were) but also all the letters in-between, everything that is needed to describe anything, the Greek version of Big Bird's absolutely beautiful marvelous word.

Here's the Greek alphabet:

Your assignment, should you choose to accept it, is to step into your Big Bird costume (you know you want to) and devise a pronounceable word out of the Greek alphabet and report back here with the result. I'll even start you off:

Abga-dez-huh-thikl-minx-op-... and you take it from there.

The same person who wrote Revelation also wrote in another place, "In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. The same was in the beginning with God....and the Word was made flesh and dwelt among us, and we beheld his glory, the glory as of the only begotten of the Father, full of grace and truth."

Words are important. Use them wisely.

An interesting article

Ignorance is not a pejorative, it merely reflects a lack of information and can be dispelled through education. Stupidity, on the other hand, lasts forever. As Forrest Gump once said, stupid is as stupid does. Stupidity is the scourge of the human race. If someone wants to know who said that, tell them I did.

I recommend for your reading entertainment and edification the following article by Corinne Purtill that was published in Quartz:

"The Five Universal Laws Of Human Stupidity"

Since it is June and it's hot and the humidity is rising, and the cloying fragrance of gardenias hangs heavy over our garden, and even though 78 years ago today Allied forces established a foothold on the beaches of Normandy, I shall end this post without further ado.

Until next time, I remain
Yr obdt svt and peripatetic observer

The ever-vigilant Rhymeswithplague

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Something a little less brainy

Today's post won't tax your brain like the last one did. Trying to think of titles of Edgar Allan Poe's short stories for a fill-in-the-blanks quiz isn't all that easy. Today's post will be easy on the grey matter.

By the way, the titles I had in mind were The Gold Bug, The Pit and the Pendulum, The Tell-Tale Heart, The Cask of Amontillado, The Masque of the Red Death, The Murders in the Rue Morgue, The Purloined Letter, and The Fall of the House of Usher. No less a personage than the bard of Sheffield, old Yorkshire Pudding himself, who claims to have taught English for 30 years, could name only one of them.

Anyway, for something a little lighter, I recommend that you read "What's the Best Hot Dog in America? We Tried 15 Popular Brands to Find Out"

I know that hot dogs are not good for you. I know they contain nitrates. I don't care. I eat them anyway. It can now be revealed that I have never liked Oscar Mayer hot dogs, which came in at #3 in the article. For years, Ball Park All-Beef Franks, which tied at #9, were what we consumed at our house. A couple of years ago, pursuing the thought that kosher hot dogs had to be better than non-kosher ones, we switched to Nathan's Angus Beef Franks. In so doing, we unknowingly switched from #9 to #2 among American hot dogs.

Given the cross-section of people who comment on this blog, I would like to know what kind of hot dogs Canadians and Australians and people in the U.K. eat. Not you personally, if hot dogs are not your cup of tea (a mixed metaphor if there ever was one), but what your countrymen and/or countrywomen eat. Yes, I am curious, red, white, and blue.

When we are in a decadent mood and feel lke throwing caution to the winds, Mrs. RWP likes sauerkraut on her hot dogs and I like chili, cheese, and onions on mine. Fortunately for our digestive systems and overall health, neither of us has been in a decadent mood in a very long time.

But that is probably a topic best pursued in a separate post.

Don't hold your breath.

Flotsam, Jetsam, Hodge & Podge

It's not an advertising agency like Batten, Barton, Durstine & Osborn or a stockbroker like Merrill, Lynch, Pierce, Fenner & Smith, it's an apt description of this post, which, like Gaul, is divided into three parts..

Part 1. What's Wrong With These People? / The Latest From The World Of Jeopardy!

The following correct answers were not uttered by any contestant on Jeopardy! this week:

1. What is the Hesperus? (In a category called Ships in Literature, the clue mentioned a poem by Longfellow whose title included the wreck of this. One person did buzz in but guessed the Edmund Fitzgerald.)

2. What is Napoli? (the clue: a southern Italian town mentioned in the song "That's Amore!". Dean Martin must be turning over in his grave.)

3. What is vitreous? (In the category "V"ocabulary in which all answers had to start with the letter V, the clue was a fluid in an eyeball, also known as this type of humor. Someone guessed viscous.)

4. What is hope? (According to poet Emily Dickinson, this has feathers and perches in the soul.)

Part 2. Short But Not Necessarily Sweet

Besides writing poems like "The Raven" and "Annabel Lee", Edgar Allan Poe wrote dozens of short stories. If I help start you off, can you name eight of his best-known ones?

The ____ ___
The ___ and the ________
The ____-____ _____
The ____ of ___________
The ______of the ___ _____
The _______ in the ___ ______
The _________ ______
The ____ of the _____ of _____

Helpful hints: The second one is not The Owl and the Pussycat because The Owl and the Pussycat is a poem, not a short story, and furthermore it was written by Edward Lear, not Edgar Allan Poe. The fourth one is not The Snows of Kilimanjaro because, although The Snows of Kilimanjaro is certainly a short story, it was written by Ernest Hemingway, not Edgar Allan Poe.

[Editor's note. One of my grandsons spent 11 weeks in southern Kenya in the summer of 2016, and he could see Mt. Kilimanjaro just across the border in Tanzania from his house. This is a true statement, unlike Tina Fey's statement while pretending in a skit on Saturday Night Live in 2008 to be Vice-Presidential candidate Sarah Palin, the governor of Alaska, that she could see Russia from her house. --RWP]

I digress.

Okay, if you are buffaloed (British, stumped) I will make the task a little easier by supplying some of the letters.

The G___ B__
The P__ and the P_______
The T___-T___ H____
The C___ of A__________
The M_____ of the R__ D____
The M______ in the R__ M_____
The P________ L_____
The F___ of the H____ of U____

Now it's all up to you!

3. Longevity Is Not a Requirement To Achieve Greatness.

Here's proof:

Joan of Arc died at 19.
Alexander the Great died at 32.
Jesus Christ died at 33.
Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart died at 35
Felix Mendelssohn died at 38.
Marrin Luther King, Jr. died at 39.
Frederic Chopin died at 40.
Edgar Allan Poe (did you know he wrote short stories?) died at 40.
Robert F. Kennedy died at 42.
Elvis Presley died at 42.
John F. Kennedy died at 46.
Oscar Wilde died at 46.
Julius Caesar died at 55.
Abraham Lincoln died at 56.

On the other hand, the other end of the age spectrum is not without its notables:

Anna Robertson "Grandma" Moses, a painter, died at 101.
Queen Mother Elizabeth died just shy of 102.
Olivia de Havilland, whom you may remember from such films as Gone With The Wind and Hush...Hush, Sweet Charlotte, died at 104.
Dr. Leila Denmark of Alpharetta, Georgia, the world's oldest practicing pediatrician when she retired at 103 from a 73-year career, died at 114.

In conclusion, and as this very post proves, it takes all kinds.

.

G’dye myte

Mrs. RWP and I celebrated our 59th anniversary last week by going to Australia. Well, not really, but what Americams consider, whether rightly or wrongly, a reasonable facsimile. We went out to eat at the local franchise of a nationwide chain of restaurants called Outback Steakhouse.

I know it's not the same thing but we enjoyed pretending. Their menu included an appetizer called Bloomin' Onion but this time we had the Coconut Shrimp instead. There were such entrees as Shrimp on the Barbie and Alice Springs Chicken; we chose Toowoomba Salmon covered with a sauce of mushrooms and seasoned shrimp, served with rice pilaf and a vegetable medley of squash, zucchini, and carrots. We sidestepped the Chocolate Thunder From Down Under dessert, returning to the Norrh American continent for New York cheesecake drizzled with raspberry sauce. Everything was delicious.

The most Australian part of the evening occurred upon visiting "the facilities", where the doors sported signs saying Blokes and Sheilas, which is almost as clever as the facilities at Red Lobster Seafood Restaurant where the doors say Buoys and Gulls.

My question is to kylie in New South Wales and Sue in Melbourne (I think) and Helsie in Brisbane and even Carol in Cairns if she still reads this blog. Do you have Outback Restaurants there? What do you think of the concept? Is the food authentically Australian? Is it just a gimmick to relieve Americans of their money? Any of the rest of you who are not Australian may chime in with your opinions as well.

You have just spent ten minutes of your life reading this post that you will never get back.