Wednesday, May 6, 2009

We interrupt this blog to bring you an important announcement from rhymeswithplague headquarters


tap tap tap...is this thing on???

*clearing of throat, followed by ear-splitting feedback from microphone*

Good morning.

I am not a camera.

Do not come here hoping to find professional-looking close-ups of exotic insects or the vegetables in my garden or the maple tree in my front yard or the azalea blossoms under my bay window. Do not expect to see the gorgeous sunsets we enjoy daily here in my neck of the woods; they probably look very much like the ones in your neck of the woods. You won’t find snapshots of assorted small children smiling prettily into the camera lens accompanied by captions documenting the rapturous opinions of an adoring older relative. You will look in vain as well for any pictures of my own handsome self, except for the small one at the upper left, taken when I was two.

It ain’t gonna happen.

Neither will you find photos of me and the missus on horseback rounding up our multitudinous cattle in midwinter or our herd of wild mustangs in summer, the ones the U.S. government reimburses us for feeding. You needn’t search any time soon for my completely illustrated procedure of how to make my great-grandma’s gooseberry pie, beginning with the killing and cleaning of the goose (take one cup of sugar, insert photo, one stick of butter, insert photo, use a serrated knife, insert photo). What we do in and around the privacy of our own home, dear reader, ain’t nobody’s bidnis but our own. I know this may come as a shock to some of you, flying as it does in the face of our show all, tell all, bragging, boasting, overblogged, overtwittered, over-blackberried, over-iPhoned society, but it simply can’t be helped. As Walter Cronkite used to say, that’s the way it is.

Instead, I hope you will find, as newcomer Robert Brault -- my goodness, we share three-fourths of a name -- recently did, a “charmingly eclectic” little blog, which he also said he prefers to a “disarmingly dyslexic” one.

If you want your life to be an open book, fine. More power to you. But mine is not. I’m not planning to give you a peek at members of my family. I may write about them from time to time, but show them to you? Never! (In the interest of full disclosure, I must admit that in the past I have included old photographs of a few relatives who have long since departed this world. That was then. This is now.) As a famous coffee cup once said, “Just because I’m paranoid doesn't mean they’re not out to get me.”

So when a photograph appears on my blog, it will be because I searched online and found one that fits well with something I have decided to write about.

It will be because I am more a man of words than images.

It will be because I am an admirer of the alphabet, a lover of language, a veritable wizard with words.

Or it might just be because there are no digital cameras or scanners on the premises, and if there were, I wouldn’t know how to operate them, and everything I just said in this announcement is nothing but sour grapes.

Have a blessed day.

*turns and walks out of camera range, if there were a camera*


This has been a special announcement from rhymeswithplague headquarters.

We now return you to the blog in progress.

13 comments:

Jeannelle said...

Sounds like you are simply stating the facts, not munching on sour grapes. Your way with words has no need for pictures, though the ones you choose to use do fit in nicely. Keep up the great blogging!

(Do you really have a herd of mustangs?)

rhymeswithplague said...

Jeannelle - A herd of mustangs would fit on our 1/3-of-an-acre property (you read that correctly) nicely, wouldn't it? Except that there wouldn't be any room for a house, someone might report us to the Homeowners Association for all the incessant whinnying, we would have to fight the citation in court because keeping mustangs is a God-given right, and there would be precious little time left for blogging.

No, that was a reference to that supposedly pioneer woman out in Oklahoma who receives hundreds of comments on each one of her posts and gives away monetary prizes (funded, apparently, by the U.S. government, which is you and me).

Pat - Arkansas said...

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/A_picture_is_worth_a_thousand_words

I, and others, who do not have your prowess with the pen resort to augmenting our paltry word-offerings with photographs or other art work, some folk more artistically or proficiently than others.

I believe that the Oklahoma woman's give-aways are funded by paid advertising on her blog but, of course, I could be mistaken.

All that being said... write on, RWP!

Pat - Arkansas said...

P.S. Your words are worth a thousand pictures.

rhymeswithplague said...

Pat - Your prowess with the pen is second to nobody and your word-offerings are never paltry. Plus, you own a camera.

Thanks for clearing that up about the O. W's G-A being F. by P. A. -- Mrs. RWP suggested that I had spoken unkindly about one of her favorite blogs, so I hereby assume you are not mistaken and I repent in sackcloth and ashes.

Carolina said...

Ah, but just that variety in blogs makes it all so interesting.

A Lady's Life said...

All you need to do is enjoy what you do and don't worry about it lol
That is what every one does.:)

Putz said...

boy you are way out of my league, i put the most crapy phots and words i can find on my ble

answerstartswithyou said...

Glad I could be of service to connect you with said Robert Brault (who shares so bloody much of your name).

And the more power to you. I agree that privacy/photos, etc are to each their own and yes, just because I am paranoid doesn't mean they're not out to get me... love that!

Daisy

bARE-eYED sUN said...

yer a funny dude. :-0

almost mistook you for a curmudgeon. needn't worry . . .weren't lookin' for pix . . . we doan need no steeeenkeeeng pix!

otoh, luv readin' yer prose, always a delight.

thank you,

jinksy said...

What an absolutely fantastic post! I am one hundred percent of like mind, although I love cameras of all kinds, shapes and colours, I don't have the slightest urge to fiddle-faddle putting images amongst WORDS - those magical hyroglyphs that paint pictures in a different way. Are we both an endangered species?

rhymeswithplague said...

Thanks to all of you, whether you agree or don't agree with my point of view, for your comments. And a special shout-out to a few of you whose comments here are inexplicably rare, frequently among the missing, or heretofore non-existent. This could be the start of a beautiful friendship.

Jeannelle said...

Rhymsie, your "sour grapes" post prompted some very entertaining comments! Good for you!

It takes all kinds of blogs to make the blogosphere go round, eh! To each his own. We can search around and find what fits our fancy. I've attempted to read PW's blog, but it just doesn't do anything for me. I'm not much into big, slick, commercialized blogging enterprises. (Perhaps I'm jealous...um, sour grapey, even. I hope not, though.) But, if Mrs. RWP enjoys PW, more power to her!

(And, it takes all kind of word verifications to allow us to comment....mine is "murizina" this time.)