I have sort of received a sort of award, sort of

To be a little more specific, I was selected by Carolina of Nederland or the Netherlands or The Netherlands or whatever it is, author of a blog called Brinkbeest in English (there also is a Brinkbeest in Dutch) to receive the following award:


But what exactly was I awarded? No one seems to know for sure. Many before me have tried to figure it out, with little success. I thought it was an old-fashioned manual typewriter being attacked by a tornado. And after Carolina named all the new recipients, she said, “Does anyone know what it says next to the award? I’m sure it’s something positive, but I haven’t a clue.”

I enlarged the photo thusly:


I was able to discern that what had appeared to be a tornado attacking the typewriter is really a torrent of words coming out of the typewriter and entering, one would guess, the world at large. I was able to make out a few phrases such as “It’s all I wear” and “two of us” and “...ing through...”. Curious. But by and large the whirlwind thingy is a jumble of incomprehensible words, which is supposed to bring to mind, apparently, my blog.

I also noticed, at the lower left of the enlarged picture, what is apparently the title of the award -- in Spanish, I think, or maybe Portuguese, neither of which I read -- “I Entrega de Premios Dardos 2008” followed by a phrase in English, which may or may not be the translation, “Best Blog Darts thinker” to which I can only respond, with deep humility, “WHA-A-A-T????”

Another recipient, Jay in England, did some research on the history and name of this particular award and posted what she found in a post on her own blog. Jay, we salute you for making the world safe for blogocracy!

Don’t get me wrong. I do appreciate receiving this award, really I do, especially since it “acknowledges the values that every blogger shows in his/her effort to transmit cultural, ethical, literary and personal values every day,” according to Carolina and the person who gave it to her and the person who gave it to that person.

Recipients of this award are instructed to:

1) Accept the award, post it on your blog together with the name of the person that has granted the award and his or her blog link.

2) Pass the award to another 15 blogs that are worthy of this acknowledgment. Remember to contact each of them to let them know they have been chosen for this award.

I have done 1) in this post, but I don’t think I will do 2) because this whole blog award business seems to be getting a little out of hand. Carolina awarded it to only eleven people, not fifteen as instructed, so if she can bend the rules then so can I.

Furthermore, I happen to be the seventh person in her list of eleven recipients, not exactly at the top of the heap. In selecting me, Carolina wrote, “This man and his alter ego Billy Ray Barnwell, if that is his alter ego that is, have two very entertaining blogs (so this award is for Billy Ray Barnwell too). Billy Ray has written a book that maybe isn’t a book, I’m not quite sure and neither is he I believe, but he and rhymeswithplague always manage to confuse me even more than I usually am!”

So I am getting an award no one can read, with a name no one can understand, shared with someone who either is or is not my alter ego, from someone who is sure the fine print next to the award says something positive, but she doesn't have a clue, not because of certain namesless cultural, ethical, literary and personal values I transmit every day, not even my EFFORT to transmit those values, but the values that EVERY BLOGGER shows in HIS/HER EFFORT to transmit those values EVERY DAY, and also because Billy Ray Barnwell and I manage to confuse Carolina more than she usually is [confused].

I think this time Carolina has outdone even me.

But it’s the thought that counts.

I am deeply grateful. I especially like that the award depicts an old-fashioned typewriter like the one on which I first practiced fgf fgf jhj jhj and ded kik ded kik and lots of other Dutch-looking words back in the Dark Ages until I became so adept at using a QWERTY keyboard, the only kind I know how to use, that I could type 125 words per minute. I’m not kidding.

I was also the first male student in the history of our school to take shorthand (Gregg Diamond Jubilee) and therefore I can read the top example in the following examples of shorthand systems:


Can you?

My masculinity was, of course, questioned by many of the other male students in my school. But I was valedictorian of my class that year, and the next fall the second male student who enrolled in shorthand in the history of the school turned out to be valedictorian of his class also. Again, I'm not kidding. This skill sure came in handy when I took notes in college lectures in the days before there was such a thing as portable audio cassette recorders.

For the unenlightened among you, there is also a DVORAK keyboard, and anything I typed on it using QWERTY skills would probably resemble Brinkbeest in Dutch.

Except I would understand this wherever it happened to be typed:

Carolina, dank u.