Al Gore has gone too far this time

An article this week in The Guardian begins, “It may not rank as the most compelling reason to curb greenhouse gases, but reducing our emissions might just save humanity from a pre-emptive alien attack, scientists claim.”

Let me say that again, this time adding emphasis where it truly belongs: “It may not rank as the most compelling reason to curb greenhouse gases, but reducing our emissions might just save humanity from a pre-emptive alien attack, scientists claim.”

Let us suppress our looks of astonishment and forge ahead.

Here’s the entire article, but in case you don’t want to read the whole thing, let me summarize.

A man named Shawn Domagal-Goldman of NASA’s Planetary Science Division and his colleagues at Pennsylvania State University have compiled a list of plausible outcomes that could unfold in the aftermath of a close encounter with Extra-Terrestrial Intelligence (ETI), to help humanity “prepare for actual contact”.

In a report entitled “Would Contact with Extraterrestrials Benefit or Harm Humanity? A Scenario Analysis”, the researchers divide alien contacts into three broad categories: beneficial, neutral or harmful.

Let’s skip over the beneficial and neutral scenarios and get right to the good scary stuff. Here is an excerpt from the Guardian article:

........While aliens may arrive to eat, enslave or attack us,
........the report adds that people might also suffer from being
........physically crushed or by contracting diseases carried by
........the visitors. In especially unfortunate incidents,
........humanity could be wiped out when a more advanced
........civilisation accidentally unleashes an unfriendly
........artificial intelligence, or performs a catastrophic
........physics experiment that renders a portion of the galaxy
........uninhabitable.

........To bolster humanity’s chances of survival, the researchers
........call for caution in sending signals into space, and in
........particular warn against broadcasting information
........about our biological make-up, which could be used to
........manufacture weapons that target humans. Instead,
........any contact with ETs should be limited to mathematical
........discourse “until we have a better idea of the type of ETI
........we are dealing with.”

........The authors warn that extraterrestrials may be wary of
........civilisations that expand very rapidly, as these may
........be prone to destroy other life as they grow, just as
........humans have pushed species to extinction on Earth.
........In the most extreme scenario, aliens might choose to
........destroy humanity to protect other civilisations.

........“A preemptive strike would be particularly likely in
........ the early phases of our expansion because a civilisation
........may become increasingly difficult to destroy as it
........continues to expand. Humanity may just now be entering
........the period in which its rapid civilisational expansion
........could be detected by an ETI because our expansion
........is changing the composition of the Earth’s atmosphere,
........via greenhouse gas emissions,” the report states.

........“Green” aliens might object to the environmental
........damage humans have caused on Earth and wipe us out to
........save the planet. “These scenarios give us reason to
........limit our growth and reduce our impact on global
........ecosystems. It would be particularly important for us to
........limit our emissions of greenhouse gases, since atmospheric
........composition can be observed from other planets,”
........the authors write.

[end of excerpt]

Yes, you read that correctly. It is particularly important for us to limit our emissions of greehouse gases because atmospheric composition can be observed from other planets.

So we are probably doomed. At best, we must live with a certain fearful looking for the invasion to begin. This is what happens when an entire generation of scientists grows up watching Star Trek on television.

Sharp-eyed readers will note that throughout this post I have retained the British spellings and punctuations from the original article. Personally, I think the conclusions drawn are the logical result of putting periods and commas outside quotation marks and spelling civilization with an s instead of a z. And Al Gore, of course.

If Klingons come, can Romulans be far behind?

(Sorry, folks, this is not a photograph of an actual alien. It is a scene from a movie called Mars Attacks.)