Monday, January 29, 2018

If I only had a brain, part #17,643

I could while away the hours conferrin’ with the flowers, consultin’ with the rain, to quote Harold Arlen, but instead I’m sittin’, er, sitting in my daughter’s living room in north central Alabama. Mrs. RWP and I are house sitting while our daughter and her husband of nearly 25 years are away for a few days in Orange Beach, which is down on the Gulf Of Mexico between Pensacola, Florida, on the east and Mobile Bay on the west, on the other side of which lies (surprise, surprise!) Mobile, Alabama.

Some people have all the luck.

Especially in January.

Speaking of January, today is the birthday of my Aunt Marion, who was born in 1899. If she were still with us she would be turning 119 today. Unfortunately, she isn’t. Her son, my cousin Philip, isn’t either. He died a couple of years ago at the age of 81. Time marches on.

I’m no longer young. I am at the stage in life when everyone else seems young. For example, Donny Osmond seems young. Ellen Degeneres seems young. Actually, young Mr. Osmond and young Ms. Degeneres are both 60 years old. Time, as I might have mentioned before, marches on.

Are you feeling old yet?

Let’s change the subject.

I have some young friends (sorry), Tim and Jennifer, who are around 50. They have three sons. Grayson is in his second year at university. The twins, Hamilton and Bryce, are still in high school. Hamilton’s nickname within the family is Hammy, and Bryce’s nickname is Brycey. Not only is this odd, it is also patently unfair. Both boys deserve colorful nicknames. For equity’s sake I considered calling Bryce “Cheesy” but that seemed rather, well, cheesy. Fortunately, however, I found the perfect solution to the dilemma. It is easy to remember and gives Bryce parity with Hamilton,

Henceforth, I shall call the twins Hammy and Eggy.

What could possibly go wrong?

Whiling away the hours is such a pleasant pastime.


  1. Hammy and Eggy. Hahahahahaha, I'm sure they'll be thrilled!

    I wonder, how young is your youngest friend? I mean actual friend in the peers sense rather than being great friends with say your Grandson. A friend you are unrelated to. I'm 48, how much younger than you am I? My memory can't hold onto figures well so I can't remember how old you are now. Michelle Xx

  2. I used to have a brain. Then one day this funny little man came to me and said: "As coroner, I must aver I thoroughly examined it and it's not only merely dead, it's really most sincerely dead." I have been this way ever since. Sigh...

  3. Michelle, I will answer your second question first. At this moment in time I am 76 but I will be 77 in less than two months. As for your first question, which I am answering second, without having to think too hard or search through my giant-economy-size Rolodex I have a 32-year-old friend and a 34-year-old friend and several more besides. My body may be old but my mind is young.

    Emma/Toto, I don’t think you’re in Nebraska any more.

  4. Are you taking banjo classes while over in Alabamistan? And another question... who is house siting in Canton GA while you are at your daughter's house? If you had forewarned me, I could have come over to do the job. You know you can trust me implicitly.

  5. Yorkshire Pudding, no Banjos of Mass Destruction were Eve found in Alabamistan; that was a myth promulgated by Yankees who wanted to invade and tear down statues of Confederate heroes. As a result, banjo lessons are forbidden by the Ministry of Music and Federal Lord High Protector Against Cultural Rot (MinMus & FLHPACR). As for Canton, GA, Mrs. RWP says to tell you it’s nunna yer cotton-pickin’ business. Cotton-pickin’ is the Southern Christian way of avoiding the f-word.

  6. For a moment I wondered how on earth you have a daughter who has been married 26 years. It seems impossible to have a child who has been married that long.
    And then I realised I have, myself been married 26 years...

    Don't allow YP to house sit, remember when he went to Trelawnyd?

  7. kylie (in Australia, right?),. time not only marches on, it flies when you’re having so much fun (and even when you’re not). Point noted and taken about YP.

  8. Oh dear you can't possibly be old. I feel young and am young. I know that because a medical person recently said so. The fact that she went to school with my younger son somehow makes her feel that if I were her Dad I couldn't possibly be old so as I'm her contemporary's Dad the same applies. Q.E.D.

  9. Graham in the Outer Hebrides of Scotland, perception is everything, especially when you are in the Outer Hebrides of Scotland. In between the times you perceive yourself as young, keep telling yourself that you live in one of the fastest-growing places on earth. When you are convinced of it, I expect to see a well-crafted post from you describing the horrors of urban sprawl in Lewis.

  10. Ellen Degeneres is sixty?! I genuinely had no idea and thought she was maybe forty tops. I guess that puts me in the same getting older boat as you.

  11. Osmond and Degeneres seem young to me too, and I'm only 68 (69 on March 1). My half sister lives in Pensacola, and, when I lived in Mississippi, I drove through Mobile to get to her house many a time, but had never heard of Orange Beach.

    If you're housesitting for your daughter, who's housesitting for you?