Monday, May 14, 2018

Emails, we get emails, we get stacks and stacks of emails, or If you want cash, go to Helen

Back in the dear, dead days beyond recall 1950s, singer Perry Como would put us all to sleep with his laid-back singing style always end his weekly television programs with a medley of songs introduced by a catchy little ditty that went "Letters, we get letters, we get stacks and stacks of letters" and here is a clip from his December 10, 1955, show to prove it. It includes "Love and Marriage", "Rudolph, the Red-Nosed Reindeer", and "Embraceable You" (6:13). If you're not asleep by the end of it, it isn't Perry's fault.

Now that that's out of the way, I just want to say that I get emails, I get emails, I get stacks and stacks of emails, most of which are trying to sell me something. Just this morning I received one that shouted, "BIBLE BASED BELLYFAT BREAKTHROUGH". Leaving aside for a moment the question of whether BELLYFAT is one word or two words, I am wondering whether it is the BELLYFAT or the BREAKTHROUGH that is BIBLE BASED. Any help you can provide in solving my dilemma will be greatly appreciated.

And, wouldn't you just know it, I continue to be the target of obvious scammers. Here's one from a "Mrs.Helen Sheppard" who I'm fairly certain is either an unscrupulous man in Nigeria or a robot in Russia:

Greetings,Respond Immediately

My name is Helen Sheppard a widow from United States Married to late Victor Sheppard; I am in a hospital at the moment undergoing treatment for Esophagi Cancer in Switzerland. I write to you in good faith and hoping that you will understand the importance of my email.My decision to contact you is because I have been recently diagnosed with Cancer and the doctor said that I have less than 7 weeks to live.

My late husband worked with SOLHAM OIL COMPANY Benin before his death. I have been reflecting over my life in the past. It is painful that after over 21 years of peaceful marriage with my late husband, we had no child of our own that will inherit our numerous wealth. Based on this my present health condition I have decided to donate US$4.5 Million Dollars for the Less Privileged orphanage/motherless babies before I die due to advise according to my late Husband in my last dream.

Beloved i wish to see this project completed and 40% will be set-aside for your humble Assistance and 60% will be for the project. I sincerely believe you are a GOD-fearing person who can help me out and maintain my last wishes without betray.

I want you to contact me back through (email address) so i can give you the information to contact the bank where the money is deposited.

My regards,
Mrs.Helen Sheppard.

Even though I (a) appreciate that Mrs.Sheppard wrote in good faith, (b) certainly do understand the importance of her email, and (c) am definitely a GOD-fearing person, I will not be helping her out or maintaining her last wishes without betray.

The moral of this story is simple: If you want cash, go to Helen, at least for the next 7 weeks.

1 comment:

  1. Sigh.
    Fortunately the Helen's of this world don't contact me. People offering to increase an organ I don't have do though.