If your nose runs and your feet smell, you're built upside-down

I don't think I have used that line as a post title before, but if I have, well, I just used it again.

The line is not original with me. Some comedian said it years and years ago, and when I heard it I filed it away in my brain for future reference, like E=mc².

Speaking of comedians, George Carlin used to have (I say used to because he is no longer with us) a routine called "The Seven Words You Cannot Say On Television" that was either hilarious or vile depending on your upbringing. Nowadays those words can be heard frequently on television, read frequently in books and newspapers, seen frequently on all sorts of social media sites except this blog, and heard coming out of the mouths of people with poor vocabularies everywhere except possibly in church.

I always thought George Carlin was funniest when he was doing things like pointing out that we drive on parkways and park on driveways.

But I don't want to talk about George Carlin. I want to talk about Spike Jones and the City Slickers.

If somehow you missed Spike Jones and the City Slickers (a novelty band from back in the 1940s and 1950s), your education was sorely lacking..

Let's remedy that. Here's The Man On the Flying Trapeze (3:06). Once you hear it, you will never forget it.

For those of you who never click on links, here's a fairly accurate (I do not say perfect) transcript of the clip:

Ohh honce I was wappy uh, once I was sappy, uh
Sap I was wunsy no, no
Once I was happy, but fow I'm norlorn, uh
Lorn I fow now, uh, sigh on lie nigh, uh
Nylons are free, no, no, now I'm forlorn

Like an old goat, oh no, not a goat, that's an animal
Like an old coat that is tornered and tat, uh, teetered and torned
Uh, tattered and tipped, uh, tap with a toupee, uh, ripped

Left in this wide world to sleep and to snore
Uh, to weep and to mourn
Betreaned by a jade in her means
No, bemeaned by a trade for some jeans
No, bejeaned by a teen with some jade
No, betrayed by a maid in her teens

He floats by his hair, ooh, not by his hair that would hurt
Speaking of hair, a man came up to me today and said
"Doodles, your hair is getting thin"
And I said, "Well, who wants fat hair?"
That's a killer!

He floats through the air with the aidest of grease
With the latest of fleas, uh, with plates full of cheese
No, no, with the birds and the bees, uh, he can't miss

The manning young dare, uh, the daring young mare
He's not a horse, that's silly, he'd break his neck
The fanny young Dan, the danny young fan
He's an awful old ham, uh, he's a young fellow 'bout my age

You know, a funny thing happened
A man came up to me and said
"Doodles, Doodles, did you leave home?"
I said, "I left home"
He said, "Did you put the cat out?"
I said, "I didn't know he was on fire!"
That's a killer!

The daring young man on the flapping tripeze
Uh, treezing triflaps, uh, trying flip flips, uh, flipping triflop
Uh, flapping trivalve, horizontal bars

His grations are axle, no, his actions are horrible, no
He's very good, all girls he doth please
But, my wuv he hath lollen astay
No, the dove's in the hayloft away
No, I'm on the road to Mandalay, no, hey hey hey
No, now, did you hear about the owl that married a goat?
They had a hootenanny.
That's a killer!

He's the man on the flying trapeze

(end of song)

You can find lots of other Spike Jones versions of songs like You Always Hurt The One You Love, Cocktails For Two, Laura, and so forth online.

But your assignment, should you choose to accept it, is to go learn as much as you can about Mischief Night, Guy Fawkes Day, and Bonfire Night, and then talk about them on other people's blogs, maybe this one.

I'm kidding.

Sort of.

This post will self-destruct in five seconds. (No, it won't, however much you may wish it would.)