Separated at birth?

Joy Behar, American comedian, writer, actress, and former co-host with Barbara Walters on the ABC talk show The View.

Bette Midler, American singer-songwriter, actress, comedian, film producer, and entrepreneur.

One says she was born in Honolulu. One says she was born in Brooklyn.

One sings better than the other.

Other than those two teensy-weensy differences, they are practically identical.

For your information, this is my sixth foray into “Separated at birth?” territory, the others having been:

1. Barney Franks and Buddy Hackett (March 21, 2009)
2. Tanya Tucker and Paula White (July 15, 2009)
3. Larry “Bud” Melman and Truman Capote (May 21, 2010)
4. George Stephanopolous and Pat Monahan (June 9, 2010)
5. Woody Harrelson and Casey Cagle (November 10, 2010)

This could get to be habit-forming.

But can I help it if everyone seems to have a twin?

Sometimes it’s downright scary.

Le cordon bleu

My blogger friend Elizabeth Stanforth-Sharpe published a post the other day entitled “Oxford Blue” that consisted of a single photograph. I was inspired to find out more about (what else?) blue.

The Free Dictionary defines blue as “the hue of that portion of the visible spectrum lying between green and indigo, evoked in the human observer by radiant energy with wavelengths of approximately 420 to 490 nanometers” but the article in Wikipedia begins with “Blue is the colour of the clear sky and the deep sea.”

I was hooked. I kept reading the Wikipedia article.

I found this:

(Wheat- field Under Clouded Sky (July 1890), one of the last works of Vincent Van Gogh)

and this:

(In his Gare Saint-Lazare (1877), Claude Monet used several recently-invented colours including cobalt blue, invented in 1807; cerulean blue, invented in 1860; and French ultramarine, first made in 1828.)

and this:

(In Starry Night Over the Rhone (1888), Van Gogh created a mood or atmosphere with a cobalt blue sky, and cobalt or ultramarine water)

and this:

(Coronation of Louis VIII and Blanche of Castille at Reims in 1223; a miniature from the Grandes Chroniques de France, painted in the 1450s, is kept at the National Library of France.)

and this:

(Photo of seagull against an azure sky by Kiban (2009). Used by permission in accordance with GNU Free Documentation License, Version 1.2)

and this:

(Figure of a servant from the tomb of King Seth I (1244–1279 BC). Used in accordance with Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike 3.0 Unported license)







and this:

(The Great Wave Off Kanagawa by 19th-century Japanese woodblock artist Hokusai used Prussian blue, a synthetic colour imported from Europe)

and this:

(Dendrobates azureus, the poison dart frog from Brazil)

and this:

(Two horses for Münster, neon sculpture by Stephan Huber (2002). Photograph by Wikipedia user de:Benutzer:AndreKR used by permission under the terms of the GNU Free Documentation License, Version 1.2)

and even these:

{Photo of blueberries (2006) by Scott Schopieray. Used in accordance with Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike 2.0 Generic license)

...which are used in the making of:

Oxford blue ice cream!



I found lots of other blue things as well.

Strangely, I was not inspired to find out more about Oxford.

I think it has something to do with these:

August 6, 1945

How are things in Oxymora? Is that little brook still leapin’ there?

Oxymora, in case you didn’t know, is not a village in Ireland.
It is the plural of oxymoron. Yes, it is. So is oxymorons.

Would I lie to you?

According to dictionary.com, an oxymoron is a figure of speech by which a locution produces an incongruous, seemingly self-contradictory effect, as in “cruel kindness” or “to make haste slowly.”

Here are some more oxymora oxymorons of them:

open secret
larger half
clearly confused
act naturally
alone together
Hell's Angels
found missing
liquid gas
deafening silence
seriously funny
living dead
jumbo shrimp
Advanced BASIC
tragic comedy
unbiased opinion
virtual reality
definite maybe
original copies
pretty ugly
same difference
plastic glasses
almost exactly
constant variable
even odds
minor crisis
extinct life
genuine imitation
exact estimate
only choice
freezer burn
working holiday
rolling stop
free trade
peacekeeper missile
sweet tart
crash landing
now then
sweet sorrow
student teacher
silent scream
taped live
good grief
tight slacks
living dead
old news
hot chili
criminal justice
peace force

Can you think of more?

Microsoft Works is not an oxymoron. It may be mildly amusing, even aggravating, that Microsoft does not always work as you think it should, but Microsoft Works is not an oxymoron. Neither is Great Depression. Mountainous Depression, now that would be an oxymoron.

If you were confused by the title of this post, if you expected something else, if perhaps a tune you can’t quite place is running through your head, click here (2:31).

There, now, don’t you feel better?

WWCND?

Reader Hilltophomesteader left this comment on yesterday’s post: “Ok, I wasn’t absolutely certain after the ‘blue’ post, but now I’m positive that perhaps you should ask your doctor what affect [sic] the shingles virus has upon the mind.... You might get Mrs. RWP to drive you there and maybe hold your hand while the doc gives his diagnosis......(p.s. whilst you are at home recovering, you might want to check into Shakespearean insults) Be sure to mention to the doc that you’ve taken up Tuvan Throat Singing, as well.....”

Then Carol in Cairns (that’s in Far North Queensland, you know) opined as how the Julie Andrews Inspired Mark Shea Evilness Diagnostic Generator could be applied to many things, such as what would Chuck Norris do in a given situation, and she ended by saying some people have far too much free time on their hands.

Well, I have absolutely no idea what Chuck Norris would do, as he is not exactly on my radar these days, but Carol’s suggestion reminded me of a post I wrote nearly five years ago (where does the time go?) that I hope you will read once again if you have been around that long. Around here, I mean. I do think that most of my readers are older than five, but one can never be sure.

If you’re five, I’m sure you’re probably much more interested on a day-to-day basis in what these guys would do:

I hope all of you, no matter how old you are or what you might be doing, have a very pleasant first weekend in August.

Why don’t you just move to Austria.

I’m sure nobody has noticed it here on the blog, but some people think I’m a little quirky. Not that anyone has ever come up to me and actually said, “You know what, I think you’re a little quirky,” but I can tell that’s what people are thinking. For example, when I make a perfectly innocent little joke that happens to demonstrate my breadth of experience and my depth of intelligence and my absolutely extraordinary grasp of the English language, some people might laugh, but other people dart little looks at one another that plainly say, “Hey, this guy is a little quirky.”

Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

And then they politely excuse themselves and go elsewhere or they sit there and humor me, not taking me seriously any longer, or they join in the fun themselves.

Because it takes all kinds.

That being the case, I read all sorts of blogs (Protestant, Catholic, Orthodox, None) and I can tell you for a fact that there are people in this world who are quirkier than I ever thought of being, a whole lot quirkier. Believe you me, I couldn’t hold a candle to their quirkiness, especially the ones who are convicted felons.

I’m just kidding. As far as I know, I do not read the blogs of any convicted felons. Please let me know if you are a convicted felon.

Let me get to the point of this post.

I found something called The Julie Andrews Inspired Mark Shea Evilness Diagnostic Generator with which you can generate insults. A guy named James Preece came up with it so that he could direct some insults at a guy named Mark Shea, and then he made it possible for all of us to generate them, five at a time. James Preece and Mark Shea could be cloistered Buddhists moonlighting as streetsweepers for all I know, but if I had to hazard a guess I would guess that they are Irish Catholics, especially since one of them has a blog called Catholic and Enjoying It.

Here are some of the things you can generate with The Julie Andrews Inspired Mark Shea Evilness Diagnostic Generator:

You are really a deer, a female deer.
You hate girls in white dresses with blue satin sashes.
You love when I’m feeling sad.
You hate America and want to destroy it.
Why don’t you just move to Austria.

You are really a name I call myself.
You hate doorbells and sleigh bells.
You love when the dog bites.
You hate America and want to destroy it.
Why don’t you just move to Austria.

You are really a deer, a female deer.
You hate whiskers on kittens.
You love when I’m feeling sad.
You hate America and want to destroy it.
Why don’t you just move to Austria.

You are really a long, long way to run.
You hate silver white winters that melt into springs.
You love when the dog bites.
You hate America and want to destroy it.
Why don’t you just move to Austria.

You are really a name I call myself.
You hate raindrops on roses.
You love when I’m feeling sad.
You hate America and want to destroy it.
Why don’t you just move to Austria.

You are really a long, long way to run.
You hate snowflakes that stay on my nose and eyelashes.
You love when the bee stings.
You hate America and want to destroy it.
Why don’t you just move to Austria.

You are really a needle pulling thread.
You hate wild geese that fly with the moon on their wings.
You love when I’m feeling sad.
You hate America and want to destroy it.
Why don’t you just move to Austria.

You are really a note to follow sew.
You hate schnitzel with noodles.
You love when I’m feeling sad.
You hate America and want to destroy it.
Why don’t you just move to Austria.

You are really a drink with jam and bread.
You hate whiskers on kittens.
You love when the dog bites.
You hate America and want to destroy it.
Why don’t you just move to Austria.

You are really a drink with jam and bread.
You hate crisp apple streudels.
You love when the bee stings.
You hate America and want to destroy it.
Why don’t you just move to Austria.

You are really a long, long way to run.
You hate raindrops on roses.
You love when I’m feeling sad.
You hate America and want to destroy it.
Why don’t you just move to Austria.

You are really a long, long way to run.
You hate warm woolen mittens.
You love when the dog bites.
You hate America and want to destroy it.
Why don’t you just move to Austria.

You are really a long, long way to run.
You hate whiskers on kittens.
You love when I’m feeling sad.
You hate America and want to destroy it.
Why don’t you just move to Austria.

It turns out that The Julie Andrews Inspired Mark Shea Evilness Diagnostic Generator has been around since 2009, but if you’d like to try your hand at it and are easily entertained, here it is.

P.S. - My commitment to truth in blogging compels me to admit that parts of this post were written by Oscar Hammerstein II.

Today is YORKSHIRE DAY!!!

Whatever that is.

It is also another one of the dog days of summer of 2013 in the northern hemisphere, the diēs caniculārēs, which every person worth his or her salt knows have something or other to do with a bright star called Sirius in the constellation Canis Major.

You did know that, didn’t you?

Oh, wait. I forgot all about “don’t ask, don’t tell,” which I believe originated in another context altogether but which I will now generously apply to whether you know anything about the origin of the dog days. I will simply assume that each person reading this post is worth his or her salt, and no one will be the wiser, although some may have their suspicions.

Canis Major means Large Dog or, more accurately, Dog Large, since the speakers of Latin among us continue to put their nouns before their adjectives, which is roughly equivalent to putting their carts before their horses but nothing at all like putting I before E except after C or when sounded like A as in neighbor and weigh.

The Dog Days should not be confused with Dog Days (ドッグデイズ, Doggu Deizu), a 2011 Japanese fantasy anime television series about Cinque Izumi, a cheerful and athletic half-Japanese, half-English boy who is summoned to the alternate world of Flonyar (where people look no different from humans except that they have animal ears and tails) by the dog-like Princess Millhiore of the Biscotti Republic ((ビスコッティ共和国, Bisukotti Kyōwa-koku), to assist in the war against the forces of the feline-like Galette Lion Dominion (ガレット獅子団領, Garetto Shishi Danrei).

I am not even kidding.

If you are really worth your salt as a reader of this blog, you should know what I’m about to say about the war between the forces of the Biscotti Republic and the forces of the Galette Lion Dominion. Here it comes. Wait for it...wait for it...

They fight like cats and dogs.

Yes, they do.

Kind of like the Houses of Lancaster and York.

In conclusion, a very happy YORKSHIRE DAY to each and every one of you, even those of you from Lancashire, and may all your Doggu Deizu Dog Days be merry and bright.