Saturday, March 7, 2020

STOP THE PRESSES!! I'm not normal

Vice President Pence and his Coronavirus Task Force (CTF or CVTF, take your pick) have been appearing daily on the telly to remind us to cover our mouths when we cough (or to cough into our elbows); to use a tissue when we sneeze (and then throw it away); and to wash, wash, wash our hands (with SOAP and WATER for AT LEAST 20 SECONDS). They also give us updates on the number of new cases of COVID-19 and the number of deaths due to it. I'm certainly glad to get the reminders, because without them I would cough into my ankle, keep and probably frame all the used tissues, and wash my hands with prune juice for hours on end.

I'm kidding. I usually wash my hands with orange juice.

Don't get me wrong. I do appreciate the efforts of the powers that be to give us accurate information and prevent panic among the public unless it is warranted, which they keep assuring us it isn't. But the members of the media seem hell-bent on making all 350 million of us run out to buy toilet paper, bread, milk, face masks -- you know, the basic necessities of life. But when one of the chief cooks and bottle washers doctors, an otherwise very nice 60-ish man sporting a beard and wearing glasses and possessing a couple of advanced degrees, was asked by a reporter yesterday to identify the groups really at risk, he said something that really got my goat, got my dander up, ticked me off big-time, and made me rather angry, actually.

I wish I could quote him exactly but I'm going to have to paraphrase. There are two groups who will be most affected by COVID-19, he said, young children whose immune defense systems have not yet been fully developed and the elderly, especially if they are infirm or have serious health issues already involving the heart or lungs. He defined elderly as 80 or older. I'm okay with that. Then he said, "Normal people like you and me don't have to worry" or “don’t need to be concerned” or something not only inane but downright insulting.

We are a two-person household. One of us is 84 and the other will be 79 in a couple of weeks. The one who will be 79 is the one with existing health issues, specifically coronary artery disease and the current possessor of five stents. The one who is 84 has had two artificial knees made of titanium for 13 years now, which fact allows us to have a tag to hang from the car's rear-view mirror that permits us to park in handicapped parking spaces, but that is different in my book from being infirm.

I'm okay with being called elderly. I'm okay with having health issues. They eventually happen to many of us, even 60-ish doctors who sport beards and have advanced degrees.

What I'm not okay with -- actually I resent -- is being told I am not normal.

I'm normal. I wash my hands with soap and water every day without being told to and I have not framed a used tissue for quite some time.

I put my pants on one leg at a time just like George Clooney. He just gets to do it more often than I do.

I used to use Burt Reynolds in that joke, but since he died he doesn't put on pants any more.

If you prefer to say Leonardo DiCaprio or Kanye West or even Mayor Pete Buttigieg, feel free.

We normal people have to stick together.

Bernie Sanders and Joe Biden need not apply.

20 comments:

  1. Thanks for this Bob. Yesterday I caught an earworm as for some reason I realised that Corvid-19 scans with Come on Eileen. Bloody Dexy's Midnight Runners, I don't know why it is spinning on loop as I never really liked the song.

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    1. Adrian, to put things in perspective, I had never heard of the song or the group, so I looked it/them up. In 1982-83, when "Come On, Eileen" was apparently all the rage, my two oldest children were graduating from high school and entering university. I was not into their music at all. After reading the lyrics and listening to the audio, I was glad that I missed it entirely. My condolences regarding your earworm.

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  2. I understand your reaction to his statement. If anything, those of us over 60, 70 or 80 are probably MORE normal because we have more life experience! So there!

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  3. It's surprising how much inaccurate information is going around. You may do your bit to keep yourself healthy and away from covid 19 but many people have poor habits. They get the virus and then pass it on. I think there's too much panic. Keep well.

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    1. Red, we are staying home as much as possible, going out only to the grocery store and doctor appointements. Our pastor's sermons are available on youtube/facebook so we're not even going out to church for the time being. Perhaps we will become hermits.

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  4. in this age of pandemic pandemonium normal means knifing people for toilet paper and using elbows to operate lifts. why on earth would you want to be normal?

    but yea, in all seriousness, i think everyone should be given a serious infirmity to live with for six months, just to make them think a bit more

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    1. kylie, you are right, why on earth would I want to be normal? At least people aren't elbowing people for toilet paper and using knives to operate lifts. Not yet, anyway.

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  5. I hope that you and Mrs. RWP stay healthy and happy!
    I used to think that the U.S. was so advanced, but this virus has shown how incompetent and little prepared, the CDC and our government really is (just my opinion, and for all our sakes, I hope I am wrong).
    Being normal is over rated. My mil once said that I was common but not normal. :D

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    1. Kathy, anything human beings are involved in will get screwed up eventually. Abraham Lincoln once said that the Lord must love common people; He made so many of them.

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  6. Oh no. Talking about normal - where to start? Whose normal? Yours? Mine? The man who just walked past on the street with his two dogs, on the way to the park? Or maybe even Kathy's m.i.l.
    I think that man with two degrees, and a nice smile and wearing glasses needs to be taken to one side and have the error of his ways pointed out to him in no uncertain manner.
    I think you're just the person to do this Robert.
    When I read your comment to Kathy about Abraham Lincoln, the thought that sprang into my mind was that Abraham Lincoln and the Common People would be a great name for a band. I may have just scuppered any hope of being considered normal.
    Add to that my plan for tomorrow, which is to take a crowded peak hour train to the city and sit in a crowded waiting room in a public hospital for a couple of hours....
    Normal has just gone right out the window!
    Alphie

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    1. Alphie Soup, you and some of the others have convinced me that I should not be concerned with what other people consider to be normal. "Normal, Schmormal!", that's what I say!

      Using your template, other great names for a band include Herbert Hoover and the Depressions, George H.W. Bush and the Points of Light, Donald Trump and the Descending Escalators.

      Your plan for tomorrow pales in comparison to a certain step-cousin of mine in her seventies who decided two days ago to fly from Dallas to Florida and take a Caribbean cruise. She is documenting every step of the way on Facebook. She is on the high seas as we speak. What could she be thinking? Apparently she isn't.

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  7. I have just spent an abnormal amount of time trying to work out a really meaningful rebuttal of the offensive 'normal' statement. I can understand why the 60-ish doctor who sported a beard and had advanced degrees referred to healthy people in the non-old and non-young age group as normal but I would argue that in some countries they are not. In some countries the young, the old and the sick and the obese are in the majority so it is arguable that they are the norm. Anyway as an almost-elderly person who feels very fit indeed but who undeniably has underlying health issues I'm not taking too many risks. As for my consideration of other people I do my absolute utmost to keep my germs to myself regardless of what viruses are knocking around at any given moment.

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    1. Graham, I commend you for the effort but some people are immune to rebuttals. You have added a whole new dimension to the mix by including obese. Kudos to you, sir!

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  8. I agree. He might as well described himself as normal after saying that blacks are at greater risk. As for Graham's argument that normal means average, the opposite of normal is abnormal.

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    1. Snowbrush, normal is apparently in the eye of the beholder. What's normal for me is kinky for you, and vice versa. I'm only guessing. But neither one of us is average.

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    2. Snowbrush, I'm not convinced that I said or implied in my comment that normal is synonymous with average.

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  9. P.S. You used the word "hell" in this post--have you fallen from the cliff of morality?

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    1. Snowbrush, there's nothing wrong with the word hell-bent. When used to describe certain members of the media, it is probably accurate.

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<b>Always true to you, darlin’, in my fashion</b>

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